I don't read the Bible often enough. I lack any motivation or any plan. Sometimes I act out of selfishness. Sometimes I envy things, and sometimes I'm jealous. I wish my body was in better shape. I wish I was better at _____. Sometimes I can be narcissistic. I'm an attention seeker. I criticize myself or my thoughts. Those are probably only a tiny fraction of my flaws.
I sometimes get mad at myself for not reading the Bible as often as others. I have trouble motivating myself to do so. I am sometimes jealous of the attention other people have. I envy the fact that there are people with resources to do things I don't have the resources for. Example, I like making movies but lack a good camera or a good editing software. I sometimes still feel like I weigh too much after years of my mom telling me I am too fat. When I fail to control how much I eat, like when I give in to peer pressure by participating in a pie eating contest, I feel disappointment from the thought that I will probably gain weight from that. I wish I had a better voice for singing or voice acting. I wish I had the attention span to practice playing an instrument. I wish I was a better writer.
I felt narcissistic when I came up with the idea to do a video that follows a person around for a day to meet up with the rest of the class because then Ian decided it will follow me. I'm glad we changed it so that the video was about how everyone in our class was different but united in Christ. I seek attention like when I decided to give in to peer pressure and be a part of the pie eating contest.
In the end, it should not be all about me. I criticize myself for thinking too much about these issues, but that is not the best action either. Even with all these thoughts based on the flesh, I know that God will not love me any more or less based on my actions or thoughts. It is because no one can be flawless that Christ came and died for our sins. When the Holy Spirit is in our lives we have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Although I know all this in my head, it needs to be fully understood in my heart. Once that happens, the full joy of Christ will be known. I don't have to work to gain His acceptance. I already have it. I don't have to criticize myself all the time. He loves me just the way I am.
Dear reader, I would like you to know that my original intention for the post was only to criticize myself. It was only after service at IVC today that I thought about the message of the last paragraph. I would like to encourage you to delight in the Lord. Let God into the parts of your life you have trouble with. For me to tell myself to stop criticizing myself is ironic in that I am criticizing myself in that way. I hope you have a wonderful day. In concluding my short post, remember that you are wonderfully made and are so blessed to have so much.
Until next time,
Kenneth
Kenneth, you are a wise man and have no reason to think this way about yourself. Ahhh, get those thoughts right out of your head. They are so incredibly unhealthy. Instead, think about this, God found you with enough worth to die. He looks past your flaws and failures and comes to you instead of demanding that you come to Him. Rest in His Grace, my friend.
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