It's that time of year again! A day where couples celebrate their relationships. Meanwhile single people like me can either accept that or wallow in their loneliness. I'll admit, I used to be somewhat bitter about the day. I would hide it by joking about singles awareness day. Now...it still hasn't hit me yet. Maybe it's because I'm worried about other things like not having a job yet. Maybe it's because I haven't been around as many girls lately due to moving back home where I don't really have much of a social life. My social life back home is just my church, and there just isn't really any single woman my age that I'm interested in.
I used to feel sad on this day. Now, if I'm sad, it's for a different reason than being single. In any case, I am happy for those who are in happy relationships. Whether they are a dating couple, engaged, or married, I hope they have a fun day.
This holiday is considered a holiday for couples in the United States. It might be celebrated this way in many countries, though it could be celebrated differently in other countries. For example, in Japan and Korea, this is a day where women give chocolate to men. They may put in effort to make chocolate for men they love, or they can buy chocolate and give obligatory ones to male acquaintances. Men return the favor the next month on White Day where they give chocolate or other gifts to the women. In the US, there are a variety of ways to celebrate. People usually go on dates, couples exchange gifts, and people can be more creative with what they do. It's not limited to girls giving chocolate.
While our culture knows this day as a day for couples, many people don't actually know who Saint Valentine is. One legend says that he was a first century priest who defied an order emperor Claudius. The order prevented soldiers from marrying because the emperor thought staying single would mean the soldiers would fight better. Valentine secretly married couples so that soldiers would not have to go to war. There was another legend where he went to prison for not worshiping pagan gods. While in prison, he shared his testimony and prayed for people. While there, he prayed for the jailer's daughter, and her blindness was healed. On the day of his execution, he left a note signed "Your Valentine."
Valentine was a man who lived for God. He was martyred because he loved God. He continued to minister while in prison. I want to see this day as a day to celebrate a man who loved God. While it being seen as a day for couples won't change, I can change my attitude of this day. It's probably easier now that I don't really hang around women my age, but that shouldn't be the reason. It should be a day where I celebrate it because I know that I love God. I'm sure that if I had other friends around, I could celebrate it by hanging out with friends. For now, I pray that I can meditate on Him, just as Saint Valentine lived his life for God.
Until next time,
Kenneth
Friday, February 14, 2014
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Post-grad Struggles, Dreams
It has been four months. Four months since I left Santa Barbara. Four months since I finished my internship at TVSB. What do I have to show from the time I have been back in the Bay Area? Nothing.
Currently I struggle with finding a steady job. I've worked at warehouses during November and December through temp agencies. They were not steady jobs, and it was because Christmas was the busiest time for warehouses. Also, one of them was going through a transition with new workers, so they needed help. Other than that, I do not get responses. I have very little work experience to offer employers, and my skills are not impressive enough for many places to want to hire when they could get someone better. I guess my major also puts limitations on the kind of jobs I could be looking for.
What would I like to do? Realistically, I should be pursuing video editing or something in that area. The problem is I don't have much to show for it. If I want to make more works of my own, I need to have a camera, a good editing program, and a computer that could handle something like that. That is one reason why I'm trying to find other jobs for now. I need to save up to be able to pay for all that. To be honest, I decided I needed a new computer once my laptop started overheating. All those costs add up, and I would still need to have money for essentials. Basically, learning to manage money has become a struggle.
If I could be a little more free with the kinds of stuff I want to do, I would also like to become a voice actor, or a vlogger, or something else. I also enjoy writing despite not having updated this blog in months. Those wishes are a little more unrealistic. Why? Because I have not done much to step into those kinds of directions. Because I don't think I have the talent or charisma to do those kinds of things. Because very few people actually can make enough money from doing those kinds of things. Plus, I don't have much funds to be able to invest in doing those kinds of things. I guess besides money being a struggle, it is also looking down on myself.
Right now, I am thinking of working for the JET Program to teach English in Japan. It is more realistic especially on the short term, and it allows me to have some sort of an adventure. I have submitted everything I need for it, so now it is a waiting game of if I get an interview and pass.The earliest I could start is early start in April through August because the early start program is if there is a need. Otherwise, people normally start in August. What would I like to do with that? Besides being on an adventure, it would be nice to learn more Japanese, have some cultural exchange, and maybe I could even start a vlog. Of course, I would need a camera for that...and maybe a better editing program than Windows Movie Maker. Hopefully my computer doesn't overheat from editing on that. While that is my hope for this next year, I don't even know if that will work out. I have money saved up for the first month of living there if I do get accepted, but I still need to save up for everything else I plan on doing (again, with camera and stuff like that).
Maybe I could use a fundraiser site for that kind of stuff? I thought about it, but felt that it would make me seem like a lazy person who cannot work to pay for his own stuff. Not to mention, my parents will not be paying for that kind of stuff except for if I'm just borrowing and paying back. The problem with that is I am not guaranteed to be paid enough to pay back, so I want to be able to save up and pay on my own. In any case, I might be revealing too much of my thoughts right now...or not. I would feel bad asking for money from others to do what I want to do. Maybe I am dreaming too much.
Another struggle I have been having is feeling like I am a part of a community. Yes, people who graduated before me have warned me about the lack of Christian community outside of college. While I thought I understood that, going through it is harder than I thought it would be. While I am going to my home church and started going to the young adults home group, I still have trouble feeling like I am really a part of it. I still miss the connections I made down in Santa Barbara, and it is difficult trying to reconnect with the few that moved back to the Bay Area. As a result, I don't feel like I have grown much. I know I need to make more of an effort in my spiritual growth, but it is easier said than done. I do think that while I am at church and home group, people are making an effort to make me feel connected. However, outside of those settings, I don't feel very connected.
I trust that God has me where I need to be for now, and that He will take me where I need to be. He will provide me with my needs. However, my hopes and dreams are not necessarily what I need. While it is hard to keep waiting and to keep looking, I trust that things will get better. It is hard hearing my mom's disappointment in me and that I could be a part of her depression, but I still have enough hope to keep waiting. Pray for my mom as she is going through hard times right now.
Maybe I have been too open and vulnerable with this post, but I just wanted to share what I'm going through with the few (or no people) who read this.
Until next time,
Kenneth
Edit: As of 1/21/14, I did not get accepted for an interview for JET. Time to reevaluate what I'm doing again.
Currently I struggle with finding a steady job. I've worked at warehouses during November and December through temp agencies. They were not steady jobs, and it was because Christmas was the busiest time for warehouses. Also, one of them was going through a transition with new workers, so they needed help. Other than that, I do not get responses. I have very little work experience to offer employers, and my skills are not impressive enough for many places to want to hire when they could get someone better. I guess my major also puts limitations on the kind of jobs I could be looking for.
What would I like to do? Realistically, I should be pursuing video editing or something in that area. The problem is I don't have much to show for it. If I want to make more works of my own, I need to have a camera, a good editing program, and a computer that could handle something like that. That is one reason why I'm trying to find other jobs for now. I need to save up to be able to pay for all that. To be honest, I decided I needed a new computer once my laptop started overheating. All those costs add up, and I would still need to have money for essentials. Basically, learning to manage money has become a struggle.
If I could be a little more free with the kinds of stuff I want to do, I would also like to become a voice actor, or a vlogger, or something else. I also enjoy writing despite not having updated this blog in months. Those wishes are a little more unrealistic. Why? Because I have not done much to step into those kinds of directions. Because I don't think I have the talent or charisma to do those kinds of things. Because very few people actually can make enough money from doing those kinds of things. Plus, I don't have much funds to be able to invest in doing those kinds of things. I guess besides money being a struggle, it is also looking down on myself.
Right now, I am thinking of working for the JET Program to teach English in Japan. It is more realistic especially on the short term, and it allows me to have some sort of an adventure. I have submitted everything I need for it, so now it is a waiting game of if I get an interview and pass.The earliest I could start is early start in April through August because the early start program is if there is a need. Otherwise, people normally start in August. What would I like to do with that? Besides being on an adventure, it would be nice to learn more Japanese, have some cultural exchange, and maybe I could even start a vlog. Of course, I would need a camera for that...and maybe a better editing program than Windows Movie Maker. Hopefully my computer doesn't overheat from editing on that. While that is my hope for this next year, I don't even know if that will work out. I have money saved up for the first month of living there if I do get accepted, but I still need to save up for everything else I plan on doing (again, with camera and stuff like that).
Maybe I could use a fundraiser site for that kind of stuff? I thought about it, but felt that it would make me seem like a lazy person who cannot work to pay for his own stuff. Not to mention, my parents will not be paying for that kind of stuff except for if I'm just borrowing and paying back. The problem with that is I am not guaranteed to be paid enough to pay back, so I want to be able to save up and pay on my own. In any case, I might be revealing too much of my thoughts right now...or not. I would feel bad asking for money from others to do what I want to do. Maybe I am dreaming too much.
Another struggle I have been having is feeling like I am a part of a community. Yes, people who graduated before me have warned me about the lack of Christian community outside of college. While I thought I understood that, going through it is harder than I thought it would be. While I am going to my home church and started going to the young adults home group, I still have trouble feeling like I am really a part of it. I still miss the connections I made down in Santa Barbara, and it is difficult trying to reconnect with the few that moved back to the Bay Area. As a result, I don't feel like I have grown much. I know I need to make more of an effort in my spiritual growth, but it is easier said than done. I do think that while I am at church and home group, people are making an effort to make me feel connected. However, outside of those settings, I don't feel very connected.
I trust that God has me where I need to be for now, and that He will take me where I need to be. He will provide me with my needs. However, my hopes and dreams are not necessarily what I need. While it is hard to keep waiting and to keep looking, I trust that things will get better. It is hard hearing my mom's disappointment in me and that I could be a part of her depression, but I still have enough hope to keep waiting. Pray for my mom as she is going through hard times right now.
Maybe I have been too open and vulnerable with this post, but I just wanted to share what I'm going through with the few (or no people) who read this.
Until next time,
Kenneth
Edit: As of 1/21/14, I did not get accepted for an interview for JET. Time to reevaluate what I'm doing again.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Average
I'm an average person. Well...an average young adult in relation to ones who studied film in college. I've had an average life, growing up and going to school. I am an average Asian who had good grades in high school and did well enough in college. There's nothing really special about me. I'm not skilled in a particular area that would make me stand out. I just do well enough in a lot of stuff. Maybe that's why I'm unable to get a job so far. I'm an average idealist with dreams and desires, but I'm also average enough to see some reality around me. I dream of getting a good job that I would enjoy, eventually get married, and start my own family while being able to support it. Even while writing this, I imagine this could be the starting narration of a short film. But who would watch a film about an average person?
I'm an average fanboy. What makes a person a fanboy? According to Urban Dictionary, a fanboy is "a passionate fan of various elements of geek culture." What am I a fan of? Nintendo, animation (Japanese and American), manga, etc. It's to the point where I think it would be cool if I could be a voice actor for animation or that it would be cool to teach English in Japan for a year. The latter is more realistic. I even started attempting to teach myself some Japanese. Maybe I'm not so average...maybe I'm just average in relation to a niche type of group.
Recently I got into an anime called The World God Only Knows. The show is not about God, but rather it is about a dating game nerd with the nickname "The God of Conquest". It is about the main character having to capture loose spirits from the hearts of girls. It's more of a comedy. Why am I mentioning this? Well, there is a character in the series named Chihiro. She starts out as a regular background character but eventually grows in importance. Her problem is she's just average. All the other characters conquered have something that makes them stand out, but she is designed to be the "normal person" of the series. That's why Keima, the main character, never really understood her or how to deal with her. She is important in the second half of the last arc recently shown in the anime. However, throughout the whole ordeal, she feels she did not stand out in any way. Chihiro is just an average person who accidentally gets herself involved in something much bigger, and she is only trying to help out in any way she can.
In a way, I saw myself relating to her because I've felt like I'm just an average person who does not have any skills that particularly stood out. Sure, I may have a personality that stands out. That's why people have told me I'm weird or unique in a good way. I just don't know how I could use that personality in a search for a job or to do something big. As far as I know, I don't have any outstanding practical skills I could be using. Like Chihiro, who never joined a club, got slightly above average grades, who felt like she was in the shadows of others who stand out and are set apart, I sometimes feel average in the same way.
However, while Chihiro did seem like just an average girl, the role she played in the series ends up being much bigger than she thought she'd ever be. She starts a band hoping to stand out. Her actions become obstacles at first, but she eventually finds out what is going on and helps out. Because of the ways she helps Keima out, he ends up completing a task to avoid the world ending. Since she gets involved, she eventually stands out and has a much bigger impact than she realizes. Yet, she still feels left out in the end.
Why go into all that detail? I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like an average person like Chihiro. I have not done anything really important, nor do I think I really stand out besides through my unique personality and interests. I don't have skills that stand out, or at least I think I don't. All I am is a background character...
But maybe I have a bigger role than I realize. Maybe I'm like Chihiro in that I think of myself as just an average person of no importance, but in reality my role and actions have an impact on a much bigger story. The story I'm referring to is not about me. I guess with the time I have here on Earth, what I could be doing is to share the love of God. In what way can I be doing that? I guess it's still something I'm trying to figure out. Maybe relating myself to an anime would be a strange way of speaking what has been on my mind. Maybe I'm not so average. Oh well...
Until next time,
Kenneth
I'm an average fanboy. What makes a person a fanboy? According to Urban Dictionary, a fanboy is "a passionate fan of various elements of geek culture." What am I a fan of? Nintendo, animation (Japanese and American), manga, etc. It's to the point where I think it would be cool if I could be a voice actor for animation or that it would be cool to teach English in Japan for a year. The latter is more realistic. I even started attempting to teach myself some Japanese. Maybe I'm not so average...maybe I'm just average in relation to a niche type of group.
Recently I got into an anime called The World God Only Knows. The show is not about God, but rather it is about a dating game nerd with the nickname "The God of Conquest". It is about the main character having to capture loose spirits from the hearts of girls. It's more of a comedy. Why am I mentioning this? Well, there is a character in the series named Chihiro. She starts out as a regular background character but eventually grows in importance. Her problem is she's just average. All the other characters conquered have something that makes them stand out, but she is designed to be the "normal person" of the series. That's why Keima, the main character, never really understood her or how to deal with her. She is important in the second half of the last arc recently shown in the anime. However, throughout the whole ordeal, she feels she did not stand out in any way. Chihiro is just an average person who accidentally gets herself involved in something much bigger, and she is only trying to help out in any way she can.
In a way, I saw myself relating to her because I've felt like I'm just an average person who does not have any skills that particularly stood out. Sure, I may have a personality that stands out. That's why people have told me I'm weird or unique in a good way. I just don't know how I could use that personality in a search for a job or to do something big. As far as I know, I don't have any outstanding practical skills I could be using. Like Chihiro, who never joined a club, got slightly above average grades, who felt like she was in the shadows of others who stand out and are set apart, I sometimes feel average in the same way.
However, while Chihiro did seem like just an average girl, the role she played in the series ends up being much bigger than she thought she'd ever be. She starts a band hoping to stand out. Her actions become obstacles at first, but she eventually finds out what is going on and helps out. Because of the ways she helps Keima out, he ends up completing a task to avoid the world ending. Since she gets involved, she eventually stands out and has a much bigger impact than she realizes. Yet, she still feels left out in the end.
Why go into all that detail? I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like an average person like Chihiro. I have not done anything really important, nor do I think I really stand out besides through my unique personality and interests. I don't have skills that stand out, or at least I think I don't. All I am is a background character...
But maybe I have a bigger role than I realize. Maybe I'm like Chihiro in that I think of myself as just an average person of no importance, but in reality my role and actions have an impact on a much bigger story. The story I'm referring to is not about me. I guess with the time I have here on Earth, what I could be doing is to share the love of God. In what way can I be doing that? I guess it's still something I'm trying to figure out. Maybe relating myself to an anime would be a strange way of speaking what has been on my mind. Maybe I'm not so average. Oh well...
Until next time,
Kenneth
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Musings during a meteor shower
The Perseid meteor shower. I try to see it each year. Sometimes it doesn't work out due to weather conditions. This year, the weather was fine. However, I need more sleep before work. What will I decide? I guess I could spend a little time seeing it, and I will go back home to sleep on time.
A meteor shower is something I want to see with friends. It would be more fun that way. I wonder, "What would it look like if what I was going through was an anime? What would it look like?" Those are weird questions to be asking in general. Maybe I have been spending too much time watching anime recently.
Walked to the Plex. Seems like anyone who would have been interested in going already left. I decided to walk to the trail by Manzanita cliffs. There's probably less light pollution over the ocean. As I walk there, I was reminded of when I went by some cliffs on DP to see a meteor shower my freshmen year of college. I went with a few hall mates. This time, I was going by myself. Since there are no lights along the path, I walked right into the darkness. The path was one I was familiar with. I kept on walking to get farther from the lights of IV.
As I made my way to the benches, I realized there was already people sitting there. I walked back a bit to not interrupt them. Then I looked up above the ocean. There were plenty of stars visible to my eyes. While it was not as many as in country areas, the night sky was clear enough.
During the time I looked in the sky, there was a certain song playing in my head. It was a song from an anime I had watched recently. Anime seems to have good quality songs. While it was playing, I thought about how awesome it would have been to be watching out for shooting stars with friends. However, many of the people I would have wanted to experience this with were not around. Some had left the area for good already, and others were traveling and creating their own experiences. I'd like to travel. There are many places I would like to experience. However, I don't even know where I will be in a month.
Seeing shooting stars always seems to remind me of God's goodness and greatness. After seeing a few, I can't help but think about how He created them for us to enjoy. He gave us promises He won't go back on. Shooting stars also remind me to be thankful. Even with all the city lights trying to drown out the stars, I spotted quite a few within half an hour. It was after the random musing that it occurred to me...I could be using that time to talk to God. It was then that I had some quiet time to reflect. "Arigato, Kami-sama." (Translation: "Thank you, God.") (Maybe I have been watching too much anime...) That's how I ended when I decided to walk home. I am reminded to always be thankful.
A meteor shower is something I want to see with friends. It would be more fun that way. I wonder, "What would it look like if what I was going through was an anime? What would it look like?" Those are weird questions to be asking in general. Maybe I have been spending too much time watching anime recently.
Walked to the Plex. Seems like anyone who would have been interested in going already left. I decided to walk to the trail by Manzanita cliffs. There's probably less light pollution over the ocean. As I walk there, I was reminded of when I went by some cliffs on DP to see a meteor shower my freshmen year of college. I went with a few hall mates. This time, I was going by myself. Since there are no lights along the path, I walked right into the darkness. The path was one I was familiar with. I kept on walking to get farther from the lights of IV.
As I made my way to the benches, I realized there was already people sitting there. I walked back a bit to not interrupt them. Then I looked up above the ocean. There were plenty of stars visible to my eyes. While it was not as many as in country areas, the night sky was clear enough.
During the time I looked in the sky, there was a certain song playing in my head. It was a song from an anime I had watched recently. Anime seems to have good quality songs. While it was playing, I thought about how awesome it would have been to be watching out for shooting stars with friends. However, many of the people I would have wanted to experience this with were not around. Some had left the area for good already, and others were traveling and creating their own experiences. I'd like to travel. There are many places I would like to experience. However, I don't even know where I will be in a month.
Seeing shooting stars always seems to remind me of God's goodness and greatness. After seeing a few, I can't help but think about how He created them for us to enjoy. He gave us promises He won't go back on. Shooting stars also remind me to be thankful. Even with all the city lights trying to drown out the stars, I spotted quite a few within half an hour. It was after the random musing that it occurred to me...I could be using that time to talk to God. It was then that I had some quiet time to reflect. "Arigato, Kami-sama." (Translation: "Thank you, God.") (Maybe I have been watching too much anime...) That's how I ended when I decided to walk home. I am reminded to always be thankful.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Some Late Night Rambling...
I am on blogger at this moment...because I have no idea how to make reading plans in the Bible when it comes to my quiet times. I thought, "Okay, I'm going to have quiet time. Where do I start?" First thing is open up Bible gateway. After staring at it for a bit, I realized I have no idea what I was going to read. I could start with Leviticus 19:18 which was the verse of the day, but I did not know how it could apply with what I was going through today. I decided to read a chapter of Jesus Burgers. As encouraging as it was, it did not lead me to any specific passage. Finally, I decided to see if my friends had any good passages shared on blogger. That's how I ended up here. I read Cody's post about Psalm 86 right before typing this, but it is just at this moment where I realized I should read it first...
Still, even as I read it, my whole heart wasn't put into it. I found myself distracted. I'm wondering where God will take me this summer and after. I'm thinking about my desire to possibly go to Tokyo Summer Project. Where is this desire coming from? And why do I have a country song stuck in my head right now? Okay, that last thought is pointless, but I'm trying to process my thoughts here.
The thing about wanting to go on Summer Project to Japan next year brings up many questions in my head. For example, if I got a job beforehand, how will I take time off that job to do something like that? What are my intentions? Is it because I've recently noticed a lot of people have been going there for missions? Do I want to go just because I want to go to Japan and not necessarily because of a mission mind set? Last time I attempted to go on a project, God closed that door within a couple weeks. How do I know that this desire to go on project in Japan is from God or not? I know there is a need there, and a lot of people there need the hope found in Jesus. This post could have even just gone into my journal, yet I feel like I should share it online.
I feel like I need some guidance right now...
Still, even as I read it, my whole heart wasn't put into it. I found myself distracted. I'm wondering where God will take me this summer and after. I'm thinking about my desire to possibly go to Tokyo Summer Project. Where is this desire coming from? And why do I have a country song stuck in my head right now? Okay, that last thought is pointless, but I'm trying to process my thoughts here.
The thing about wanting to go on Summer Project to Japan next year brings up many questions in my head. For example, if I got a job beforehand, how will I take time off that job to do something like that? What are my intentions? Is it because I've recently noticed a lot of people have been going there for missions? Do I want to go just because I want to go to Japan and not necessarily because of a mission mind set? Last time I attempted to go on a project, God closed that door within a couple weeks. How do I know that this desire to go on project in Japan is from God or not? I know there is a need there, and a lot of people there need the hope found in Jesus. This post could have even just gone into my journal, yet I feel like I should share it online.
I feel like I need some guidance right now...
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Post-Graduation Thoughts
I walked at graduation 6 days ago. The last quarter of relaxing, doing my internship, and being involved with Cru, Epic, and AGO had been good. Spending time with people has also been good. These last few weeks have been an amazing time of hanging out with people who are all going different ways while some are staying in Santa Barbara afterwards. What now? I guess I need to start job searching.
It is surreal not living at the Plex anymore after two years of being there. Yeah, I'm right across the street from it for now, but I will only be at the AGO house for two months. Where am I going after? It depends on if I can get a job or not. I'm definitely going to miss being in that community where I can see so many people in a day. Some people have jobs, some will be interning or stinting for Cru next year, some will be going to grad school...I feel like a lot of people already know what they are doing. I don't yet. I'm trusting God, but I am curious as to where I will end up.
There are definitely people I've taken for granted, and there are those I have been thankful for and am even more thankful for now. God had me here for a reason, and I trust that the work he has done here will continue afterwards. Maybe I will cross paths with the people He has placed in my life in the future. It's hard to remember that we are not college students anymore.
Well, that is all I have for now. Not that motivated to write a lot, so this will be short. Oh yeah, and senior class won BOTA. I am thankful for that.
It is surreal not living at the Plex anymore after two years of being there. Yeah, I'm right across the street from it for now, but I will only be at the AGO house for two months. Where am I going after? It depends on if I can get a job or not. I'm definitely going to miss being in that community where I can see so many people in a day. Some people have jobs, some will be interning or stinting for Cru next year, some will be going to grad school...I feel like a lot of people already know what they are doing. I don't yet. I'm trusting God, but I am curious as to where I will end up.
There are definitely people I've taken for granted, and there are those I have been thankful for and am even more thankful for now. God had me here for a reason, and I trust that the work he has done here will continue afterwards. Maybe I will cross paths with the people He has placed in my life in the future. It's hard to remember that we are not college students anymore.
Well, that is all I have for now. Not that motivated to write a lot, so this will be short. Oh yeah, and senior class won BOTA. I am thankful for that.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Graduated Early!
I graduated early! I finished Winter Quarter of 2013. I just started an internship with TVSB. What now? Well, I will be doing the internship for six months which means I will be in Santa Barbara until at least September. After that, I don't know what I'm doing. If I get offered a job there, I might stay longer. If not, I go depending on where I can find a job. If I can't find any, then I'm going back to NorCal. I'm basically trusting that God will provide wherever I am at.
I have noticed that wherever I am at in life, He has provided me with a lot. In high school, he provided me a community within my youth group and my church. In college, he provided me with Real Life, with Epic, with all of Cru, with brothers in AGO and sisters in ADX, with family in IVC, and even family within other churches in the Santa Barbara area. I know that I will have community wherever I go, and the community of believers I end up living life with will point me towards Christ and His love. I have been blessed by God through the community he provided, and it has been super encouraging growing wherever I am at.
The best moments are those where I get into good conversations with people about how God is working in our lives. While it is kind of sad to see some people leaving, I know God will work in them wherever He takes them. I'm sure God has more for me in Santa Barbara while I do my internship, and I pray that He will guide me in all my interactions here. I pray that I can glorify Him in everything I do. I know people who plan on Stinting next year, people who are getting jobs elsewhere, people who will be interning with Cru and Epic, and I pray that they will continue growing in their love for God. I pray that I can trust Him as much as I say I do.
For now, I should enjoy being in Santa Barbara until September. I should enjoy the three months I have left with many people I've known since freshmen year at UCSB. I should feel blessed that I have been assigned as one of the senior captains for BOTA, and hopefully I will glorify God with the decisions I make and be a good sportsman. As far as I know, this is the first time I'm leading/co-leading anything, and I'm stoked for it.
One thing I am thinking of right now: I say "I don't know" a lot. Is it because I'm actually unsure, or is it because I want to please people? If it is the latter, why is it that I feel the desire to please people? Why do I fear people's reactions? What does not knowing what I should eat have anything to do with pleasing people? So many questions...and I should be going to bed.
Until next time,
Kenneth
I have noticed that wherever I am at in life, He has provided me with a lot. In high school, he provided me a community within my youth group and my church. In college, he provided me with Real Life, with Epic, with all of Cru, with brothers in AGO and sisters in ADX, with family in IVC, and even family within other churches in the Santa Barbara area. I know that I will have community wherever I go, and the community of believers I end up living life with will point me towards Christ and His love. I have been blessed by God through the community he provided, and it has been super encouraging growing wherever I am at.
The best moments are those where I get into good conversations with people about how God is working in our lives. While it is kind of sad to see some people leaving, I know God will work in them wherever He takes them. I'm sure God has more for me in Santa Barbara while I do my internship, and I pray that He will guide me in all my interactions here. I pray that I can glorify Him in everything I do. I know people who plan on Stinting next year, people who are getting jobs elsewhere, people who will be interning with Cru and Epic, and I pray that they will continue growing in their love for God. I pray that I can trust Him as much as I say I do.
For now, I should enjoy being in Santa Barbara until September. I should enjoy the three months I have left with many people I've known since freshmen year at UCSB. I should feel blessed that I have been assigned as one of the senior captains for BOTA, and hopefully I will glorify God with the decisions I make and be a good sportsman. As far as I know, this is the first time I'm leading/co-leading anything, and I'm stoked for it.
One thing I am thinking of right now: I say "I don't know" a lot. Is it because I'm actually unsure, or is it because I want to please people? If it is the latter, why is it that I feel the desire to please people? Why do I fear people's reactions? What does not knowing what I should eat have anything to do with pleasing people? So many questions...and I should be going to bed.
Until next time,
Kenneth
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