It's late at night. I'm sitting on the futon in the game room on the third floor of my house. I've been using it as a bed for this Winter Break. There's not much privacy here since anyone could basically walk by and see me. As a result, I can't really write in my journal or read late at night. My mom would get mad if she notices I'm awake past 12, and I can't do much except use my laptop when the lights are off...
Lately I've come to realize that writing in a journal can be super useful. I could write stuff I would not want to share on the Internet. I haven't really gotten into that yet, but I felt like starting. I haven't been able to at home since I don't really have privacy here and can't have lights on when I do have time to. Hence, I'm writing about this experience on a blog...
Having conversations with a friend the last couple weeks before Winter Break helped me realize that there were still a lot of hurts I don't think about. He encouraged me to journal them as it helped him see his stuff and how he has been affected. That might be why I've had this desire to journal lately. Sure, there are things I've thought about, but it has only been lately where I realized those thoughts have been affected by past experiences. It's stuff I would like to journal about, and it's stuff I feel like I'm not ready to share with the world through a blog until I feel like it's something that doesn't bother me anymore.
There are a lot of stuff I would like to give up to God. I wonder if I have given up those things to him yet or not. Have I? I tell myself I have, but there is still some uncertainty of whether I have or not.
There's a Taylor Swift song stuck in my head now. I also hear my brother laughing a lot in what was my room. He has my room now because he and his girlfriend, soon to be wife, need privacy. I've gotten to know her better this last week. However, I still feel like they are rushing things. This post could be considered stream-of-consciousness in a way, but it is not. Why? Because I'm still being somewhat selective about what's showing up here and what isn't. I'm also doing some editing while writing, and I had to Google "Ulysses" to remember the term "stream-of-consciousness". I'm sure I will get used to the girl my brother is going to marry. It's still kind of awkward for me having her around...Maybe that's something I should journal more about instead of writing in a blog...
I need to figure out what kind of internship I could do in the Santa Barbara area for the next two quarters, or at least for Spring quarter. As far as I know, the ones I could get through the Carsey-Wolf Center have requirements I haven't fulfilled and am too late to do so, and the one for TVSB requires too many hours for me to do. I might be graduating early...if I can get an internship with an anthropology professor for 2 units this quarter. Hence, I would need a media-type internship for spring and possibly going on to summer. I also need a job after college...
I would like to go on a Spring break project. Maybe to project reclaim. I would have to discuss with my parents first...pray for that.
This will probably be another short post. I pray that God will guide me in the decisions I make, that He will reveal more things.
Until next time,
Kenneth
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