Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who gets distracted by thoughts during worship. My mind sometimes wonder elsewhere, or I might doze off if I sit down during it. It's not fun when it happens because when I worship, I want all my focus to be on God and not on things that don't matter.
For example, last Sunday was like a worship day for me. In the morning the service at Reality Carpenteria was mostly a time of worship. Then there was worship at IV Church in the afternoon. Finally, I went to the worship night Ian does every week for our class. Needless to say, during each time of worship, I would be distracted by a thought instead of my heart being completely into it.
In the morning, I was pretty tired. I also felt conscious about how I worshiped and wondered what others would think if I went all out during worship. As a result, I didn't dance in worship nor did I feel completely surrendered to God. I felt some guilt over that when I know I probably shouldn't. I should have probably directed my thoughts back to how awesome God is.
Later in the afternoon, I decided to attend IVC since I was done with homework and wanted to go there more often. I felt myself drifting off at the beginning of service. When there was a worship set at the end of the service, I was distracted by the time. Ironically, I was in a rush for it to end because I wanted to go to our class's worship night. It wasn't a very good reason to get distracted by the time since I would have been using the time to worship God either way. It is still pretty ridiculous that I would want to finish worship earlier when God would much rather have my heart in complete surrender to Him.
That night during our Sophomore worship night, we went to the small park area across the street from Jesus Burgers. I thought it would be a good time to put all my focus on God. Again, I get distracted. This time, I was worried about what the people who lived in the houses we were between would think. It is a small thing to worry about, and I'm sure they don't mind. However, my thoughts wondered on whether the people were judging us. I know what others think of us worshiping does not matter. It is sad that I would think about that instead of devoting my time and thoughts in worship.
Looking at these situations, I can say I need a lot more patience. God delights in our worship. I should not be worried about the things going on, what others think, or whether I should be doing something else. I want to surrender myself to God when I worship. It's something I think would be nice for you guys to pray for.
Until next time,
Kenneth
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
A Quick Preview...
Okay this will be my shortest post ever since I have so many things I want to write about but want to separate them into different posts. I will work on them when I have time, but I really need sleep.
1. The power of the words you speak.
2. 9/26/10 - the day full of worship and my distracting struggles during worship
3. 5 Love Languages :P
4. Just some thoughts on the death of someone from 3 years ago...
5. Any other topic I might come up with that I can't think of right now.
Comment if you want me to post a specific topic before the others.
Until I actually update...
Kenneth
1. The power of the words you speak.
2. 9/26/10 - the day full of worship and my distracting struggles during worship
3. 5 Love Languages :P
4. Just some thoughts on the death of someone from 3 years ago...
5. Any other topic I might come up with that I can't think of right now.
Comment if you want me to post a specific topic before the others.
Until I actually update...
Kenneth
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Jesus Didn't Tap
Interesting fact I learned recently: Jason David Frank, the guy who played Tommy from Power Rangers, has a line of Mixed Martial Arts clothing called "Jesus Didn't Tap". Why do I think it's cool? Because Tommy was my childhood hero and I think it's interesting that he would start a Christian clothes line. I only found out about it when I saw him wearing a shirt at a panel and decided to search the phrase up.
In the mixed martial arts world, to tap means to quit or give up. The Jesus Didn't Tap website says, "The message of the Jesus Didn't Tap line is that Jesus didn't quit after going through unimaginable suffering and pain when he was crucified on the cross." While searching more about it I came across a blog that talked about it. That blog said, "And while they are correct that Jesus didn't give up due to pain, they seem to overlook the fact that Jesus' crucifixion was essentially an act of submission."
What's the point of this post? I have no idea yet, but I feel like I should get something from it. I think it's interesting how the pastor said Jesus basically had to give up himself to save all of us meaning he did tap. However, I feel Jesus at the same time didn't give up on giving himself up, therefore he didn't tap. I think the statement is like a paradox. It's kind of like saying, "This sentence is false." Would that sentence be false or true? Jesus didn't quit on giving himself up to save us all.
This morning, I decided to go to my high school's chapel. The principal used trapeze as an analogy and asked if we trust in God to help us get from one bar to the other. He talked about how a lot of people will stay on the one they started out on or let go an fall. Do we trust God enough to grab on to the next one? He called out on some people to describe where they are, and I was surprised to hear a student on chapel leadership talk about how she is having some doubts, but wants to be open about God. She admits to having spiritual highs before, but some things are making her doubt like the fact that there are non-Christians who seem to have better morals than some Christians.
Since she's going to be open about that, I might as well be more open too. There are times where I do wonder if God is real or not. I'm sure all Christians go through that. However, there are times where I wonder if I am an actual Christian or a fake. Sometimes I wonder if I am a fake Christian that's so good about lying about my faith that I convinced myself I am a real Christian when I'm not. I certainly hope I am not a fake Christian, and I definitely want my faith to be completely real. It's just that sometimes I have a fear that I might be lying to myself about being a Christian without knowing it. I definitely want to be a Christian that's on fire for God and am unashamed to worship. Jesus didn't tap on his mission to save us, so I should not give up on my faith.
Last night, after a few of the leaders from my youth group T4 prayed for me, Pastor Jason told me how he saw me on a diving board and how in the next year I have opportunities to do greater things in my faith or something along those lines. I forgot what he specifically said, but I remember him saying it's my choice whether I want to dive into my faith or back out. I certainly don't want to quit, and I want to dive in. However, I wonder how I know when the time comes where I will have to choose it. I do not want to quit since Jesus didn't quit on us.
Until next time,
Kenneth
In the mixed martial arts world, to tap means to quit or give up. The Jesus Didn't Tap website says, "The message of the Jesus Didn't Tap line is that Jesus didn't quit after going through unimaginable suffering and pain when he was crucified on the cross." While searching more about it I came across a blog that talked about it. That blog said, "And while they are correct that Jesus didn't give up due to pain, they seem to overlook the fact that Jesus' crucifixion was essentially an act of submission."
What's the point of this post? I have no idea yet, but I feel like I should get something from it. I think it's interesting how the pastor said Jesus basically had to give up himself to save all of us meaning he did tap. However, I feel Jesus at the same time didn't give up on giving himself up, therefore he didn't tap. I think the statement is like a paradox. It's kind of like saying, "This sentence is false." Would that sentence be false or true? Jesus didn't quit on giving himself up to save us all.
This morning, I decided to go to my high school's chapel. The principal used trapeze as an analogy and asked if we trust in God to help us get from one bar to the other. He talked about how a lot of people will stay on the one they started out on or let go an fall. Do we trust God enough to grab on to the next one? He called out on some people to describe where they are, and I was surprised to hear a student on chapel leadership talk about how she is having some doubts, but wants to be open about God. She admits to having spiritual highs before, but some things are making her doubt like the fact that there are non-Christians who seem to have better morals than some Christians.
Since she's going to be open about that, I might as well be more open too. There are times where I do wonder if God is real or not. I'm sure all Christians go through that. However, there are times where I wonder if I am an actual Christian or a fake. Sometimes I wonder if I am a fake Christian that's so good about lying about my faith that I convinced myself I am a real Christian when I'm not. I certainly hope I am not a fake Christian, and I definitely want my faith to be completely real. It's just that sometimes I have a fear that I might be lying to myself about being a Christian without knowing it. I definitely want to be a Christian that's on fire for God and am unashamed to worship. Jesus didn't tap on his mission to save us, so I should not give up on my faith.
Last night, after a few of the leaders from my youth group T4 prayed for me, Pastor Jason told me how he saw me on a diving board and how in the next year I have opportunities to do greater things in my faith or something along those lines. I forgot what he specifically said, but I remember him saying it's my choice whether I want to dive into my faith or back out. I certainly don't want to quit, and I want to dive in. However, I wonder how I know when the time comes where I will have to choose it. I do not want to quit since Jesus didn't quit on us.
Until next time,
Kenneth
Friday, September 10, 2010
Mind or Heart?
"I know it with my mind... So why does my heart disagree?"
That's the status my friend Malory has on facebook at the moment. It's a question I ask myself often. When I replied to the status, I said, "Because sometimes the heart desires something completely different from what the mind knows." It may be a cliche answer or even seem like a repeat of the question, but the heart does have desires. Those desires may be good, but they can be bad as well. We might covet something we were never supposed to get, or we may be tempted to do something incredibly stupid. That's why I usually try acting out of my mind's reasoning over what I want to do.
An issue I'm sure I've had for a while can relate to this. To be honest, it's a topic I don't really like talking about except to a few trusted people which I might even go into more detail with. Besides a period of time this summer, I would keep having crushes on girls for the longest time. I'm sure most, if not all, people may struggle with crushes, but whenever I have one, it would last for a long period of time. It's an issue I dislike dealing with. My heart might tell me to get into a relationship with them, but my mind tells me it probably won't work out and God already knows who I'm going to marry in the future anyways. In this case, my mind always wins because I feel I shouldn't be messing around with dating if God already has someone planned out for me.
You might ask "how do you know who God wants you to marry" which I might answer with "I don't know". Honestly, the only thing I know to do about this issue is to be patient about it. When the time comes, it comes. As for now, it will be an issue I struggle with in my thoughts.
However, I think there are times where the heart may be right over the mind. Look at Daisy Love. When her tumor came back, the doctor said that she had less than 50% chance of surviving. Yet we continued praying about it through our hearts, and God answered those prayers. Daisy Love is doing much better now and they can now easily operate to remove the tumor. It's amazing to see how much God worked with one girl.
Then there are issues that could be considered minor where I have no idea what to do. One part of me wants to rush for AGO again, but another says that I probably won't have the commitment needed to be in it. I question whether it's a good idea for me to try again, and I wonder if my reasons for wanting to join are good enough. I know that I can still be friends with them without having to be a member, but I think it would be nice to be part of it too. It's something I'm still praying about and still don't have an answer to.
It's really hard to make decisions when the mind tells you one thing but the heart wants something else. That is why I usually try praying about them. Even then I still feel like I don't have an answer. Maybe I should be more patient about these issues. What are your thoughts?
Until next time,
Kenneth
That's the status my friend Malory has on facebook at the moment. It's a question I ask myself often. When I replied to the status, I said, "Because sometimes the heart desires something completely different from what the mind knows." It may be a cliche answer or even seem like a repeat of the question, but the heart does have desires. Those desires may be good, but they can be bad as well. We might covet something we were never supposed to get, or we may be tempted to do something incredibly stupid. That's why I usually try acting out of my mind's reasoning over what I want to do.
An issue I'm sure I've had for a while can relate to this. To be honest, it's a topic I don't really like talking about except to a few trusted people which I might even go into more detail with. Besides a period of time this summer, I would keep having crushes on girls for the longest time. I'm sure most, if not all, people may struggle with crushes, but whenever I have one, it would last for a long period of time. It's an issue I dislike dealing with. My heart might tell me to get into a relationship with them, but my mind tells me it probably won't work out and God already knows who I'm going to marry in the future anyways. In this case, my mind always wins because I feel I shouldn't be messing around with dating if God already has someone planned out for me.
You might ask "how do you know who God wants you to marry" which I might answer with "I don't know". Honestly, the only thing I know to do about this issue is to be patient about it. When the time comes, it comes. As for now, it will be an issue I struggle with in my thoughts.
However, I think there are times where the heart may be right over the mind. Look at Daisy Love. When her tumor came back, the doctor said that she had less than 50% chance of surviving. Yet we continued praying about it through our hearts, and God answered those prayers. Daisy Love is doing much better now and they can now easily operate to remove the tumor. It's amazing to see how much God worked with one girl.
Then there are issues that could be considered minor where I have no idea what to do. One part of me wants to rush for AGO again, but another says that I probably won't have the commitment needed to be in it. I question whether it's a good idea for me to try again, and I wonder if my reasons for wanting to join are good enough. I know that I can still be friends with them without having to be a member, but I think it would be nice to be part of it too. It's something I'm still praying about and still don't have an answer to.
It's really hard to make decisions when the mind tells you one thing but the heart wants something else. That is why I usually try praying about them. Even then I still feel like I don't have an answer. Maybe I should be more patient about these issues. What are your thoughts?
Until next time,
Kenneth
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Being Attacked...
A quote I sometimes hear is "If you don't have enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" by Winston Churchill.
I don't know if I have any direct enemies who are people. Does that mean I never stood up for anything? It is a question that may bother me for a while.
I'm one of those people who actually reads comments after videos or articles. I also read debates on forums once in a while. Whenever it's something about God or Christians in general, I feel attacked by many of the posters who don't believe in the same thing. Granted, I never post so they do not know of my existence, so they aren't really "direct enemies". Still, I feel attacked when they portray Christians as "unintelligent" or other terms which I don't feel like typing out and the ones defending Christianity are the type of people who don't really back up their claims or post in a manner that make them seem like "noobs".
Recently, I watched a video about "The Call", which is a movement of fasting and prayer for change in the nation. There was one up in Sacramento during the weekend from September 3rd to the 4th which I knew many people from back home went to and even a few friends from Santa Barbara. I wanted to go, but had to stay home to take care of my cousins. Anyways, I decided to read the comments on a Youtube video about it and I see a lot of hate for it. People claim that Lou Engle, the speaker, is a gay-hater who supports Uganda's bill on killing gays and lesbians. After some research, I found out he doesn't actually support the bill for killing them, and I was watching the live feed when he talked about loving the people who are gay but not the act. Still, I was bothered that people actually think he supports killing gays when that's not true. It was an assumption based on some articles I found.
There are other comments that talk about it being a cult or some other stuff. I definitely feel bothered when I read all those comments. At the same time, I realize that God never promised our lives would be comfortable if we followed Him. I remember back in Jesus Culture, one of the talks was about how God doesn't need us to defend Him. The only thing I can do right now is try to love these people and accept that I will continue to be attacked in different ways. I'm not sure if what others say about believers should bother me this much.
You know how in media with superheroes, many will talk about how enemies will get to them through loved ones right? In the same way, Satan tries to attack God by attacking us, His children.
I definitely witnessed that tonight while I was at youth group. I might get some detail wrong because I didn't notice what was happening until later on. There was a girl named Kim who walked in completely fine and healthy. Apparently during youth group, while she was in the bathroom, she fell unconscious or something. While students were giving testimonies about how God had been working recently, my youth pastor interrupts and tells us to pray for her. She was having trouble breathing, coughing into a bowl, and crying a lot because of pain. Everyone had to give some space for her while we stopped our service to pray for her. I definitely felt some fear at first, but I realize that's what the enemy wants. The Holy Spirit definitely brought peace to the people praying. After the ambulance arrived, the guy told us to leave the room. We all went to the lounge.
While continuing to pray for her, we started worshiping God as well. Honestly it was the first time in a while I could pray and worship without being distracted a lot by my own thoughts. It was amazing to see every teenager in the youth group doing this. Do you know of many youth groups that would continue worshiping and praying when an attack like this occurs? There was joy through this even though we were just attacked. No matter what bad things Satan tries to throw at us, God will turn something good out of it.
I guess what I should have learned from this is that if I ever feel attacked, I should leave it to God and continue worshiping and praying. He can handle all things. He does do the impossible.
I definitely feel like throwing a Bible verse somewhere in here for support, but I can't think of any out of the top of my head. I guess I can apply the fruits of the spirit to this; afterall, joy and peace did show up and they are fruits of the spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control..."
I guess you could also say some of the others showed up like love and patience. I definitely didn't organize this as I'm writing this last minute for the past hour out of the top of my head.
Until next time,
Kenneth
Update (5:24 9/7/10): "Hi Everyone,
If you were at Wildfire you're probably wondering about the girl, Kimberly Walker, who had such a violent asthma attack last night. She was rushed to Kaiser where they x-rayed her chest and gave her air. The x-rays turned out showing everything normal and Kim is doing great today.
I can't tell you, enough, just how amazing you were last night when this was all happening. Your intercession for Kim and how you ended up worshiping in the cafe when the paramedics arrive was astounding!!!! ASTOUNDING!!! What maturity! What love!!!
Misha had a word that this was going to be another turning point for us. That our staying firm to pray will cause it to be that attacks like this will not be able to even make it through our door.
What a great night, after all. If you know Kim...or don't...I encourage you to send encouragement her way. She's Kalyssa's friend, so you can get more details from her.
Bless you all!!
Todd"
I don't know if I have any direct enemies who are people. Does that mean I never stood up for anything? It is a question that may bother me for a while.
I'm one of those people who actually reads comments after videos or articles. I also read debates on forums once in a while. Whenever it's something about God or Christians in general, I feel attacked by many of the posters who don't believe in the same thing. Granted, I never post so they do not know of my existence, so they aren't really "direct enemies". Still, I feel attacked when they portray Christians as "unintelligent" or other terms which I don't feel like typing out and the ones defending Christianity are the type of people who don't really back up their claims or post in a manner that make them seem like "noobs".
Recently, I watched a video about "The Call", which is a movement of fasting and prayer for change in the nation. There was one up in Sacramento during the weekend from September 3rd to the 4th which I knew many people from back home went to and even a few friends from Santa Barbara. I wanted to go, but had to stay home to take care of my cousins. Anyways, I decided to read the comments on a Youtube video about it and I see a lot of hate for it. People claim that Lou Engle, the speaker, is a gay-hater who supports Uganda's bill on killing gays and lesbians. After some research, I found out he doesn't actually support the bill for killing them, and I was watching the live feed when he talked about loving the people who are gay but not the act. Still, I was bothered that people actually think he supports killing gays when that's not true. It was an assumption based on some articles I found.
There are other comments that talk about it being a cult or some other stuff. I definitely feel bothered when I read all those comments. At the same time, I realize that God never promised our lives would be comfortable if we followed Him. I remember back in Jesus Culture, one of the talks was about how God doesn't need us to defend Him. The only thing I can do right now is try to love these people and accept that I will continue to be attacked in different ways. I'm not sure if what others say about believers should bother me this much.
You know how in media with superheroes, many will talk about how enemies will get to them through loved ones right? In the same way, Satan tries to attack God by attacking us, His children.
I definitely witnessed that tonight while I was at youth group. I might get some detail wrong because I didn't notice what was happening until later on. There was a girl named Kim who walked in completely fine and healthy. Apparently during youth group, while she was in the bathroom, she fell unconscious or something. While students were giving testimonies about how God had been working recently, my youth pastor interrupts and tells us to pray for her. She was having trouble breathing, coughing into a bowl, and crying a lot because of pain. Everyone had to give some space for her while we stopped our service to pray for her. I definitely felt some fear at first, but I realize that's what the enemy wants. The Holy Spirit definitely brought peace to the people praying. After the ambulance arrived, the guy told us to leave the room. We all went to the lounge.
While continuing to pray for her, we started worshiping God as well. Honestly it was the first time in a while I could pray and worship without being distracted a lot by my own thoughts. It was amazing to see every teenager in the youth group doing this. Do you know of many youth groups that would continue worshiping and praying when an attack like this occurs? There was joy through this even though we were just attacked. No matter what bad things Satan tries to throw at us, God will turn something good out of it.
I guess what I should have learned from this is that if I ever feel attacked, I should leave it to God and continue worshiping and praying. He can handle all things. He does do the impossible.
I definitely feel like throwing a Bible verse somewhere in here for support, but I can't think of any out of the top of my head. I guess I can apply the fruits of the spirit to this; afterall, joy and peace did show up and they are fruits of the spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control..."
I guess you could also say some of the others showed up like love and patience. I definitely didn't organize this as I'm writing this last minute for the past hour out of the top of my head.
Until next time,
Kenneth
Update (5:24 9/7/10): "Hi Everyone,
If you were at Wildfire you're probably wondering about the girl, Kimberly Walker, who had such a violent asthma attack last night. She was rushed to Kaiser where they x-rayed her chest and gave her air. The x-rays turned out showing everything normal and Kim is doing great today.
I can't tell you, enough, just how amazing you were last night when this was all happening. Your intercession for Kim and how you ended up worshiping in the cafe when the paramedics arrive was astounding!!!! ASTOUNDING!!! What maturity! What love!!!
Misha had a word that this was going to be another turning point for us. That our staying firm to pray will cause it to be that attacks like this will not be able to even make it through our door.
What a great night, after all. If you know Kim...or don't...I encourage you to send encouragement her way. She's Kalyssa's friend, so you can get more details from her.
Bless you all!!
Todd"
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