Just yesterday I decided to buy the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. Today I got to the chapters "Profile of the Lukewarm" and "Serving Leftovers to a Holy God". They got me thinking about those again. My mind tells me that I am the way I am because I love God, but sometimes I think "What if it's because I want to feel accepted, to have friends..."
This book talked about how when people read the parable about the different kinds of soils, many people assume they are the good soil when most are probable the thorny soil. Am I one of the thorny soil? I want to believe that I'm a good soil, but I know that it may not be true. I want to be good soil and soak in God's word, but I know I get distracted by so many things. One moment I could be thinking about reading the Bible, then the next I would be on facebook or something. I also get distracted by video games and shows or weekly updates of the Naruto manga. I also tend to think a lot about those mediums and what has been happening in them instead of seeking Him with all my attention. I know we as humans can't be perfect, but at the same time, I think we use that as an excuse often to justify ourselves. I also find that I try to get reassurance from friends often when the truth could be totally different from what I think.
One part of the book states:
Most of our thoughts are centered on the money we want to make, the school we want to attend, the body we aspire to have, the spouse we want to marry, the kind of person we want to become.... But the fact is that nothing should concern us more than our relationship with God...I find myself thinking a lot about who I will marry in the future and the kind of person I want to become. Granted, I am concerned with my relationship with God (seeing as I'm writing about my thoughts on this in the first place), but I'm not sure if I'm too distracted with those other thoughts.
Recently, I've been reading a chapter of the New Testament a day since Joe, my roommate for the last 7 weeks of my first year at UCSB, decided to have a Bible study where we did that and invited others. As school was getting closer to the end, I remembered us reading the chapter where the rich man was unable to give up his wealth to follow Jesus. In that passage, he talks about how hard it is for the rich to get into heaven. He wants us to be willing to give up everything if we want to follow him. We would not be very effective if we have trouble giving up all we have, whether it's monetary value or housing or even family and friends.
A question I sometimes ask myself is whether I'm willing to leave my life behind to follow Jesus. Would I be willing to leave behind my family and friends? Granted I would not be too troubled if I left behind my mom (which is probably a bad thing), but then I would still have trouble with that since I fear her. I love her for providing, but I find myself more fearful of her anger sometimes. I'm also unsure about whether I would actually be willing to leave my friends. I probably would not have too much trouble leaving them physically, but I'm not sure if I am willing to stop all communication with them. As a result, I feel I might be lukewarm, and that's something I do not want to be.
I would definitely like to hear your thoughts on this subject. This is one that sometimes crosses my mind a lot. I MIGHT do that post about how different people affected me my first year at UCSB, but this subject was on my mind. As a result I felt the need to do this first.
Until next time,
Kenneth
These are good things to think about Kenneth. Odds are you aren't the only person in this boat. Actually, I can be 110% positive you aren't because I'm right there with you.
ReplyDeleteYou need to keep realizing your faults in your heart and pursuits, but also remember this: when Britt Merrick asked us if we would be ok if we were in heaven without Jesus, it's not wrong to say yes.
Saying yes means we are human. The important thing is realizing that this is the wrong way of thinking and adjusting our life to fixing it, all the while having faith that God is right, even if our feelings and hearts might not be there.
you won't achieve perfection, only one human did, but you gotta keep trying for HIS glory. If you don't know if you're doing it because you love Him or not, trust me when I say keep pushing and you will become reacquainted with that love in His time