Thanksgiving 2011*

*Title is like that because it will be hard to come up with unique titles every Thanksgiving.

With that said, I pretty much forgot to post on the actual day because I also had a 10 page paper in mind, summaries for all my readings, and possibly write a support letter for next Epic Conference...and I should stop going on a tangent at the very beginning of the post.

I'm a very selfish person. It's not that I don't care about others, which I really do care for others, but the context is more like I have high expectations and many desires. For example, I want every Thanksgiving to be spent with family and relatives. Of course, that only happens once every two years because my little brother has tennis tournaments in LA every other year. Ergo, I missed my family's Thanksgiving dinner this year because they decided to have it before going down to LA, and I was in Santa Barbara when they had the dinner. How do I react? By complaining or telling people I'm probably going to Denny's for Thanksgiving dinner. That's definitely not the right way for me to react to the situation, and I probably end up sounding like I want attention or desire sympathy. The funny thing is, I've had this mindset about Thanksgiving since high school, and it is the opposite of what Thanksgiving is actually about. What's also funny is I didn't think about it in this context until this year, my third year in college.

Instead of trying to expect a "perfect" Thanksgiving of having dinner with family and relatives, I need to have the mindset that this day is a reminder that we need to give thanks to God for all that we have. I'm lucky to even get dinner at Coco's on Thanksgiving Day with two of my cousins. I've had more of a "traditional" Thanksgiving dinner last Saturday, with some of my IVC family. I'm blessed to know all these wonderful people. I definitely should have been more grateful about Robbie inviting me in the first place.

I definitely need to give up my high expectations and be happy with all that I already have. Instead of telling people I don't get presents from my family on my birthday or Christmas, I need to appreciate that I still even have a family. I'm thankful that I can spend time with family no matter how much I feel hurt by them sometimes. I'm thankful for my family in Christ and how supportive they have been to me. This does not just include IVC or Cru or AGO/ADX, but people in other groups as well who I might not be as involved with. This year I haven't been as involved with my Epic Ohana because of schedule conflicts, but that doesn't mean I don't love them anymore. I'm also thankful for my friends who are in AACF, knowing at least four people from my hall first year that are involved. Everyone has been inviting and open, and I wish I can do the same. I wish I can be more open when I actually talk to people.

Sometimes I wish I could give more than to just receive. I just don't know what I can give...I don't know what I can do for people.

And yet I have to remind myself that there is freedom in Jesus. I shouldn't be hard on myself all the time. I am most thankful for God, for all that he has done. He is the reason I have things to be thankful about.

I'm also thankful for the invisible readers out there. When I say invisible, it is because I don't know who actually reads this.

I'm blessed to have so much in my life. I really need to stop complaining about my "problems" that aren't really big.

Thanks for reading all of this.

Until next time,
Kenneth

Home...

Home...

What do you think about when you think of home? Where are you referring to when you say "I'm going home"?

I'm sitting here listening to Christmas music, and it's only the beginning of November. Listening to Christmas music reminds me of being back in the Bay, back in high school when I would listen to Christmas music on the radio while I drive. I remember all the things I look forward to during Christmas. Christmas chapel in my high school was fun, especially when it comes to the Christmas music during worship. I loved the skits that are performed in Christmas chapel. I loved having Christmas parties in my classes, club meetings, church/youth group, etc. The festive mood usually made me happy. And as of my senior year of high school, I also looked forward to seeing Matt Phipp's light show; of hanging out with friends when I am back from college. Seeing familiar faces is refreshing. Seeing how people I haven't seen in a while is great since I get to catch up with them. There's a lot of nostalgia. Yet, for the last two years, I only get to be home for three weeks. It will be four this year because of New Years being on Monday.

It's funny how listening to Christmas music can induce this feeling. Yet while I'm here in Santa Barbara, I'm mostly focused on what goes on here. When I go on facebook, I usually focus on what's going on in Santa Barbara instead of with the people I know from back home. I notice I am mostly focused on what is around me. I even call the Plex home. I look forward to watching Christmas movies and all the other Christmas festivities that happen here before I go back to Dublin.

Does this mean I have two homes? Quite possibly. I sometimes feel I do not spend enough time back home, yet when I am back home I wish I could be back in Santa Barbara. Actually, now that I think about it, I will only be in Santa Barbara for a year and two thirds left...unless I get a job around the area. It is pretty crazy to think about that. Once I graduate, everyone is going to be spread out. Even many of the people I knew back home would be spread out after I graduate. The younger friends will be in college, and the older people will live their own lives. At least I will still have my family back home. Meanwhile, I have no idea where God is leading me after college. Will I be going to graduate school or getting a job? Will He lead me somewhere completely different? No matter where I end up, I will consider that "home". If I end up somewhere that is not the Bay Area or Santa Barbara, I will have a third "home".

Wherever I end up, it will become home. Wherever I move, there will be many changes: different people, different locations, different schedules or ways I will be occupying my time. What will stay the same? Jesus.

Deuteronomy 31:6 - "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Even if I end up going to a different church with new faces, Jesus is the same. I may continue to reminisce the past or focus on what is around me, but I do not have to worry about God leaving me. Wherever I end up and call "home", I need to trust that He is consistent and that he knows what is best. After all, life isn't about me. It's about Him, and He is omniscient.

As I end this post, I hope that the ending does not sound too forced or anything like that.

Until next time,
Kenneth