Wow. Can't believe my third year of college just finished. I only have a year left. Actually, if I was not planning on minoring, I could just graduate after fall quarter. Of course, that would mean my parents would want me to move back home early. I definitely don't know what I am doing after college yet. That is why I decided to get a minor and stay for the whole year.
Anyways, it has been an interesting year. There has been a lot of growth (which I have not noticed much, but am told about). I definitely have not been as focused on spiritual gifts this year, but it has also been more of a year of learning what it means to be part of community, to help each other grow in our spiritual lives. There's also been more of an emphasis on being a leader, not necessarily with a title, but at least in example. I have always been just fine with following. However, as a man of God, I will eventually have to lead, whether that is finding someone to disciple or leading my own family when I have one.
It has been a blessing being discipled by Brian this year. While sometimes it was hard to meet at the time we set, we were still able to meet up almost every week. I've learned to be more vulnerable through it, and it has been a time where I learned what a discipleship relationship should be like. It has also been a time of asking questions, of sharing weaknesses, and of living life together.
I have also had to manage my time better this year. More things seemed to conflict this year. In order to make more time to be involved in many things, I had to finish my readings a week early. I've also accepted that not everyone can make it to everything, and that there are people who just don't feel like they belong in the same things I feel that I belong in. Nonetheless, it does not mean I should ignore them.
It has definitely been challenging always being reminded that God has his own timing for everything. He's revealed that I can be judgmental at times and that I stereotype sometimes as well. Getting to know people better here than I did in high school is one of those things. For example, in high school I did not really talk to my friend Nikki. However, after coming to college, I've gotten to know her more as well as her now husband. It has been a blessing getting to know them well enough to be invited to their wedding.While I kind of wish I got to know more of my classmates in high school, it is kind of too late for that now.
Pledging for AGO this quarter has also been a learning experience. First of all, it reminded me to continue trusting in God's timing and not my own. There must have been a reason for me to have waited so long before I became active. Pledging with my pledge bros allowed me to be more encouraging to them. Again, when we went through hard times, we had to remember that we do all things to glorify God. I've grown in confidence. I'm still learning what "biblical masculinity" is. Most of all, I am reminded that there is always room to grow, You can never be done growing.
These are just some of the things I've learned this year. I can't wait to see what God does next year during my last year as an undergraduate student. Dear reader, I pray that you are also growing, learning each day, and taking things as they come. I pray that you notice all God has for you and all he does for you.
Until next time,
Kenneth
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Post-Finals Almost Stream of Consciousness
Finals are done. I'm sitting here in the UCen in the middle of the night while other people are studying. Why? Because I think it would be fun to take advantage of the fact that I can stay here this late during finals week.
I just read the first two chapters of Nehemiah. I decided I am going to read through Nehemiah because my discipler Brian said I should before I read Excellence in Leadership. The first two chapters of Nehemiah have been interesting so far. The first chapter deals with Nehemiah hearing about Jerusalem's walls being burnt down, and the second chapter is about him trusting God in allowing him to go back and fix the city with the king's blessings. It was definitely interesting to see how Nehemiah prayed before talking to the king about it. Even though he faced sadness over Jerusalem's fall, he continued to praise God. He asked God for favors, confessed his failings as well as his people's, and he asked for success in having the king bring him back. Even when people were in disbelief, he still trusted God in bringing success. I want to have that kind of faith in everything I do, whether that is in school or in my daily life.
I'll be honest, this post will probably talk about a bunch of unrelated stuff. It's just going to be one of those posts where I don't want to be too organized. While it isn't completely "stream of consciousness", it will still try to come close to that and give more of a glimpse to my thought process. I don't think I can type out all my thoughts and in the order I think. I worry about how I present my writing. It will also show how all over the place I am sometimes...especially when it's super late.
Anyways, I am listening to a song right now by Chase Coy. It is called "Summer's Song". It is set when the summer coming to a close. Ironically summer is just beginning for me. This song reminds me of the summer before my first year at UCSB. That's because that was when I was first introduced to his music. A lot of his music is acoustic. They are pretty relaxing...and soft. A lot of love songs...why am I listening to that kind of music? Because I decided to listen to old music on my hard-drive. I'm going down authors in ABC order and decided to skip Backstreet Boys (and anything else I don't feel like listening). Well then you would ask why I am listening to Chase Coy. I haven't listened to his music in a while...and it's good.
Now I'm listening to Hillsong because it is under my Christian music folder. The song "The Time Has Come" begins really well. "Today, today it's all or nothing..." Am I living my all for God? Listening to Hillsong reminds me of how I used to really love worship...how I used to get so into it. I'm not saying that I'm no longer passionate about worship. I still love it. I am just noticing that now I'm fine if I miss worship sometimes whereas I would never skip worship during a service back in high school. Nevertheless, I am pretty stoked for this summer. I will be a part of two worship sets for Summer Cru. I need to learn to harmonize. Still, I think it will be an awesome being a part of the worship team and helping lead others into worship.
I really want to write a post reflecting on my third year of college. However, I feel like that deserves its own post instead of being a part of this semi-"stream of consciousness" post. Maybe I can give small glimpses of what I'm thinking about writing for it? Well, I am always being reminded of how broken I am without God. We are made perfect in Him. It's crazy to think about ourselves as just a speck...actually smaller than a speck...compared to the universe. Yet, God still cares about us.
Okay, sorry to interrupt that, but I wanted to say that I am quite enjoying listening to old worship music. It is also helping me stay awake to be able to write this. You might ask, "Why are you even staying up this late in the UCen when you are done with finals?" A lot of people have asked that already. Well, as I stated earlier, I want to take advantage of being able to stay here so late. (Oh, random note, I am listening to "Next Thing You Know" by Matthew West...the first Christian song I remember hearing on KLove in 8th grade) I guess another reason I want to stay here is because I want to walk a friend home after she finishes her paper...probably not a very good reason. Meh, not all my decisions or reasons for doing things make sense.
Dang, these old Christian songs are reminding me of junior high and high school...of my youth group. Back before I first began coming to UCSB, I thought I would at least go home every summer and help out at my youth group. God's completely changed that plan of mine. Last summer I stayed in UCSB. This summer I am doing the same. It's crazy to see how much God has changed my heart. Sometimes I do miss when I was younger and a part of my youth group...being able to hang out with some of my friends who have moved on in college. I'm happy for Anthony who is now going to teach at Valley Christian. I am excited for Anton who now lives in Hollywood doing what he loves. God has definitely placed them in places where they belong and are called to. I'm sure God will do the same with me when the time comes. I still don't know what that will be.
Well, I feel like this post has been a little more authentic with who I am. However, it is definitely getting long. I should stop here and move on to the end of the year post.
Until next time (the next post I am about to do and may or may not finish by today =P),
Kenneth
I just read the first two chapters of Nehemiah. I decided I am going to read through Nehemiah because my discipler Brian said I should before I read Excellence in Leadership. The first two chapters of Nehemiah have been interesting so far. The first chapter deals with Nehemiah hearing about Jerusalem's walls being burnt down, and the second chapter is about him trusting God in allowing him to go back and fix the city with the king's blessings. It was definitely interesting to see how Nehemiah prayed before talking to the king about it. Even though he faced sadness over Jerusalem's fall, he continued to praise God. He asked God for favors, confessed his failings as well as his people's, and he asked for success in having the king bring him back. Even when people were in disbelief, he still trusted God in bringing success. I want to have that kind of faith in everything I do, whether that is in school or in my daily life.
I'll be honest, this post will probably talk about a bunch of unrelated stuff. It's just going to be one of those posts where I don't want to be too organized. While it isn't completely "stream of consciousness", it will still try to come close to that and give more of a glimpse to my thought process. I don't think I can type out all my thoughts and in the order I think. I worry about how I present my writing. It will also show how all over the place I am sometimes...especially when it's super late.
Anyways, I am listening to a song right now by Chase Coy. It is called "Summer's Song". It is set when the summer coming to a close. Ironically summer is just beginning for me. This song reminds me of the summer before my first year at UCSB. That's because that was when I was first introduced to his music. A lot of his music is acoustic. They are pretty relaxing...and soft. A lot of love songs...why am I listening to that kind of music? Because I decided to listen to old music on my hard-drive. I'm going down authors in ABC order and decided to skip Backstreet Boys (and anything else I don't feel like listening). Well then you would ask why I am listening to Chase Coy. I haven't listened to his music in a while...and it's good.
Now I'm listening to Hillsong because it is under my Christian music folder. The song "The Time Has Come" begins really well. "Today, today it's all or nothing..." Am I living my all for God? Listening to Hillsong reminds me of how I used to really love worship...how I used to get so into it. I'm not saying that I'm no longer passionate about worship. I still love it. I am just noticing that now I'm fine if I miss worship sometimes whereas I would never skip worship during a service back in high school. Nevertheless, I am pretty stoked for this summer. I will be a part of two worship sets for Summer Cru. I need to learn to harmonize. Still, I think it will be an awesome being a part of the worship team and helping lead others into worship.
I really want to write a post reflecting on my third year of college. However, I feel like that deserves its own post instead of being a part of this semi-"stream of consciousness" post. Maybe I can give small glimpses of what I'm thinking about writing for it? Well, I am always being reminded of how broken I am without God. We are made perfect in Him. It's crazy to think about ourselves as just a speck...actually smaller than a speck...compared to the universe. Yet, God still cares about us.
Okay, sorry to interrupt that, but I wanted to say that I am quite enjoying listening to old worship music. It is also helping me stay awake to be able to write this. You might ask, "Why are you even staying up this late in the UCen when you are done with finals?" A lot of people have asked that already. Well, as I stated earlier, I want to take advantage of being able to stay here so late. (Oh, random note, I am listening to "Next Thing You Know" by Matthew West...the first Christian song I remember hearing on KLove in 8th grade) I guess another reason I want to stay here is because I want to walk a friend home after she finishes her paper...probably not a very good reason. Meh, not all my decisions or reasons for doing things make sense.
Dang, these old Christian songs are reminding me of junior high and high school...of my youth group. Back before I first began coming to UCSB, I thought I would at least go home every summer and help out at my youth group. God's completely changed that plan of mine. Last summer I stayed in UCSB. This summer I am doing the same. It's crazy to see how much God has changed my heart. Sometimes I do miss when I was younger and a part of my youth group...being able to hang out with some of my friends who have moved on in college. I'm happy for Anthony who is now going to teach at Valley Christian. I am excited for Anton who now lives in Hollywood doing what he loves. God has definitely placed them in places where they belong and are called to. I'm sure God will do the same with me when the time comes. I still don't know what that will be.
Well, I feel like this post has been a little more authentic with who I am. However, it is definitely getting long. I should stop here and move on to the end of the year post.
Until next time (the next post I am about to do and may or may not finish by today =P),
Kenneth
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