Look at the title. It could be a good analogy...or a crazy farfetched one...
Anyways I'm putting aside an idea for a blog post to write this before I forget this one. Why acne you ask? Well...let's just say it's an issue my mom has with me. You will understand it by the end of the blog post. Story time? I think yes.
Ever since I was junior high, my mom either complained about me being too fat, complained about my dry lips, or complained about me having too much acne. I know it's her way of saying, "This is my way of saying I love you because I am scared that you can't get a wife in the future," but it still bothers me to this day. Whenever I would have an outbreak, she would blame it on:
1) lack of sleep/sleeping too late
2) eating fried food/desserts/not eating enough vegetables
And those things she blame my outbreaks on would give her an excuse to call me a bad boy and reasons to control me.
While those reasons may play a part in acne, I discovered I did not grow as much acne when I am in Santa Barbara and rarely, if ever, have an outbreak. I find that funny because I sleep less in college, have been eating a lot more vegetables than I used to, and have been eating more fried food and desserts in college. Yet, when I am home, I eat less sugary goodness, fried food, and I sleep in a lot. Granted, I still sleep late, but I really don't sleep later than when I am in school. Still, I have outbreaks when I am at home which I somehow do not get in school.
I also noticed that my lips only become dry when I'm back home. I never had to use chap stick when I am at school, but I need to use it when I come back. I decided maybe it is the dry climate here. I googled it, and dry climates can cause acne. I try explaining that to my mom, and she says that cannot be a reason and that it must be the same reasons she always uses. I also reasoned that if it is food, maybe it is all the Chinese food I eat at home. Chinese food tends to be oily, but that mostly applies to restaurants. Home-cooked is a lot healthier.
I am sure that I am right about the climate and my mom is wrong with her reasons, but at the same time, I have to accept that I could be wrong and that my mom would be right. It still does not explain why I have outbreaks at home while I do not in Santa Barbara.
My mom tries to treat my acne through various methods. It includes:
1) forcing me to have facial appointments
2) giving me different products to wash my face with
3) telling me I am not allowed to eat fried food or desserts
4) attempting to make me sleep before midnight (which never really works)
Facial appointments are good for removing the acne that is already there, but it does not prevent it. My mom still thinks going to facial appointments prevents acne. I sometimes feel that using multiple products would cancel each other out...or they just do not work and companies make tons of money by taking advantage of people's insecurities. A quick google search helped me determine that brownies and sugar are not the cause of acne. Sleep may be a reason, but again does not explain why I do not get breakouts in SB.
I just finished watching a movie, and as I passed by Starbucks, I saw Patrick there. I talked to him a little and mentioned the acne problem. He agreed that using products and going to facial appointments may treat the problem on the outside, but it does not stop the cause of the problem. When he said that, I thought, "hey, this sounds like it can make a good analogy..."
And here I am writing this. I think in a lot of areas, people want to solve the outer, most noticeable problems. However, when people are focused on the outside, they do not look deep into the root of the problem. I'm probably guilty of that a lot. There might be a deeper reason I am convinced that my mom is wrong, and a deeper reason for me to want to prove there are other reasons through googling. Ihttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifn a similar fashion, I can see an outside reason for me not wanting to date is that I'm waiting for a clear sign from God saying, "this is the woman you will marry," when there may be a deeper reason like maybe getting rejected when I was younger or something and not wanting to be hurt again. However, that does not mean that the outside reason is not a reason. I still think it is best if I wait for God to tell me "this is the girl you will marry". That way, I don't have to date different people only for them to be obstacles in my future marriage or me being the obstacle in their future marriages. Sorry for going on a random tangent like that, but the point still stands that there may be a different, deeper reason for me choosing to not make certain choices.
I'm sure that is the point of having a sozo. A sozo is a ministry of healing. It goes into deeper healing. According to Bethel, "The Sozo ministry is a unique inner healing and deliverance ministry in which the main aim is to get to the root of those things hindering your personal connection with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit." I probably need to get a sozo. I'm sure there are people who might find this kind of stuff iffy, but I've seen it work with people.
The alternate title for this post could be "Deep Wounds"...but I think the current title sounds funnier. Plus I spent most of the post writing my story about acne problems. My relationship with my mom apparently can bring interesting stories. :P
I can notice problems with myself, but I might not be seeing the deeper issues with my problems. It's definitely something I should pray about. If you also need prayer for deeper issues, I could pray for you too.
Anyways, I need to be driving my brother to the airport in about five hours...
Until next time,
Kenneth
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
(Kind of) Reflecting on 2011...a cliche title for a New Years post!
Yep. I'm a day late, but whatever. I find that in the past year my relationship with God has not been as high "ethos"-wise (aka emotionally) as it has been for the past few years. I'm hoping that changes this year. Still, it does not necessarily mean I have not felt any emotions in my spiritual life. It just has not stood out as much as in the past. And I know emotion should not be the only thing to define my spiritual life.
Looking at the year from a superficial point of view, it has been an awesome year. It was the first year I had a random shiny Pokemon encounter; and I ended up having three of those. School-wise, I finally changed to a major I enjoy, and my grades have improved that I actually got nothing below an A- my fall quarter. I've had a lot of fun experiences being able to stay in Santa Barbara over the summer.
Looking at this year, I'm thinking God should have been more of a priority. It is kind sad when I noticed this year has been somewhat dry spiritually compared to the few years before it. Granted I did start reading the Bible more, but I feel like I need to be more intentional with my reading. I've noticed I spent less time at the prayer shed behind Jesus Burgers. I do not worship as wholeheartedly as I used to. I also rant a lot. I need to change my attitude...
On December 30th, I decided to go to the night watch at IHOP East Bay (the house of prayer in Dublin). I was there from 10pm to 3am. I wanted to stay until 4am, but my brother called at 3am because he was worried about me. Going to night watch for the first time was amazing for me. It's crazy to think about how there are people dedicated to stay up late in prayer and intercession. I had trouble staying awake as the hour from 1 to 2am was basically 5 minute intervals of being asleep and being awake. It helped me appreciate what they do. It also helped me realize how much I miss going to IHOP and spending my quiet time there. I know I don't have to go to a specific place to be with God, but it is so much easier for me to be away from distractions. Also, a busy school schedule made it hard for me to want to go to the prayer shed in IV (which is now IVHOP).
I definitely want to make more free time to go to IVHOP. I also want to make more time back in the Bay to go to IHOP East Bay without worrying about my mom getting mad at me for going out a lot or going out late. I want my relationship with God to continue to grow.
It is also crazy to see where God is leading everyone. Being back home for more than a week since last winter break has been amazing. I got to catch up with lots of people. Anton now has a part in the LA opera while looking for other jobs. He acts, plays music, writes, and makes art. I would like to visit him in LA. Anthony M is going to graduate this year, and he already got offered a job teaching a couple junior high Bible classes and leading chapel leadership at Valley Christian. It is funny thinking about how I first met him there when I was in 8th grade and he was in 9th grade and that he prayed for me the first time we met. Back then, I would have never expected God to lead him back to teach. He is basically taking Mr. Merrell's teaching spot since Mr. Merrell is going to lead prayer and intercession full time. Ryan has a plan, and it is great to see how God has turned his life around from back when I first knew him in French class in 8th grade. There's just so much more I could talk about, and I am excited to see where He leads me.
Okay, so maybe the title of this post is kind of misleading...I didn't do too much reflecting on the last year. I guess I am looking more towards the future now.
Until next time,
Kenneth
Looking at the year from a superficial point of view, it has been an awesome year. It was the first year I had a random shiny Pokemon encounter; and I ended up having three of those. School-wise, I finally changed to a major I enjoy, and my grades have improved that I actually got nothing below an A- my fall quarter. I've had a lot of fun experiences being able to stay in Santa Barbara over the summer.
Looking at this year, I'm thinking God should have been more of a priority. It is kind sad when I noticed this year has been somewhat dry spiritually compared to the few years before it. Granted I did start reading the Bible more, but I feel like I need to be more intentional with my reading. I've noticed I spent less time at the prayer shed behind Jesus Burgers. I do not worship as wholeheartedly as I used to. I also rant a lot. I need to change my attitude...
On December 30th, I decided to go to the night watch at IHOP East Bay (the house of prayer in Dublin). I was there from 10pm to 3am. I wanted to stay until 4am, but my brother called at 3am because he was worried about me. Going to night watch for the first time was amazing for me. It's crazy to think about how there are people dedicated to stay up late in prayer and intercession. I had trouble staying awake as the hour from 1 to 2am was basically 5 minute intervals of being asleep and being awake. It helped me appreciate what they do. It also helped me realize how much I miss going to IHOP and spending my quiet time there. I know I don't have to go to a specific place to be with God, but it is so much easier for me to be away from distractions. Also, a busy school schedule made it hard for me to want to go to the prayer shed in IV (which is now IVHOP).
I definitely want to make more free time to go to IVHOP. I also want to make more time back in the Bay to go to IHOP East Bay without worrying about my mom getting mad at me for going out a lot or going out late. I want my relationship with God to continue to grow.
It is also crazy to see where God is leading everyone. Being back home for more than a week since last winter break has been amazing. I got to catch up with lots of people. Anton now has a part in the LA opera while looking for other jobs. He acts, plays music, writes, and makes art. I would like to visit him in LA. Anthony M is going to graduate this year, and he already got offered a job teaching a couple junior high Bible classes and leading chapel leadership at Valley Christian. It is funny thinking about how I first met him there when I was in 8th grade and he was in 9th grade and that he prayed for me the first time we met. Back then, I would have never expected God to lead him back to teach. He is basically taking Mr. Merrell's teaching spot since Mr. Merrell is going to lead prayer and intercession full time. Ryan has a plan, and it is great to see how God has turned his life around from back when I first knew him in French class in 8th grade. There's just so much more I could talk about, and I am excited to see where He leads me.
Okay, so maybe the title of this post is kind of misleading...I didn't do too much reflecting on the last year. I guess I am looking more towards the future now.
Until next time,
Kenneth
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Hard to be Loving When Family Judges...but it's Christmas!
The title explains the purpose for this post. I might be ranting. Sometimes I just need to rant. Still, the best thing I can do is continue loving my family because God loves them.
A lot of problems I notice within my family tends to come from my mom's love for gossiping and for thinking she knows everything. At least, that's how I feel sometimes. It is hard when she feels like her reputation is based on how family life is. I can't really blame her for that because that's what Asian culture is supposed to be like. Still, I feel hurt when she judges me or gossips what she thinks is true about me but isn't. It just brings more trouble for me, and my relatives start to judge me.
By writing this, I guess I am also gossiping in a way...so I'm only going to talk about how it affects me. Ergo I won't be talking about what she says about others because I do not know the full story on others' parts.
My mom claims to know me very well just because she's my mom. There's so much she refuses to being wrong about. For example, she claims I only call her when it's about money. That is not true. I call about other stuff...like asking about plans during break so I can plan them out. She then makes me feel guilty by saying I only call when I need money even when that is not the purpose of me calling. She also claims that I don't eat vegetables. Her "proof" is that when I'm at home, I have dry lips and I grow acne. She then says that's also why I'm not in good physical shape. Truth: I do eat vegetables, and I have been eating a lot more in college since it does not go bad as quickly as meat. Ergo, I don't think the lack of vegetables would be cause for dry lips. She then complains about all my imperfections and talks about how I'll never get married because of my lifestyle. Every time she talks like this, I'm hurt.
There is also this stigma that since I'm the Christian in the family, I have to be "perfect". That supposedly means I refuse to drink alcohol ever, that I can't watch films for older audiences, that I supposedly would faint if I ever met a gay person etc. The last two seem to be more prominent when I'm around my relatives from Taiwan. They ask if I can't add alcohol to the soup they were cooking for lunch today, and they assumed I do not want to watch the Hangover Part II because I'm a Christian. I'm fine with using alcohol as an ingredient in food, and I'm sure I will drink wine when I know I won't have to drive and there is occasion to drink. And being a Christian has nothing to do with whether I want to watch the Hangover Part II or not...I don't because that's just not my type of humor and I know plenty of Christians who would love to watch that kind of movie. As for meeting gay people...I go to UCSB, a pretty liberal school with plenty of LGBT people. I've met some and I'm friends with some (although I'm not that close to them). I'm fine when I'm around them and I do not fear them. I love them as people, and I'm fine with hanging out with them and talking to them. I don't see why there's this stigma about me when they apparently do not know me as well as they should.
Continuing to love on family is hard. The only way I know to love on them is to be respectful to them, to be available when they need me. At the same time, it fuels their assumption that I'm a "good boy", and they will ask me ignorant questions or continue to make assumptions about me. My relatives only hear about me through my mom, so usually what they think of me aligns with what my mom thinks she knows about me. I can only continue to love them and attempt not to get outwardly frustrated.
Still...it is Christmas today. I dropped my parents and younger brother at the airport today because they are going to Arizona for a tennis tournament. Meanwhile I am staying home with relatives from Taiwan to take care of cousins. I missed church to take family to the airport, but that's just how I'm attempting to show I care about family. My mom still thinks I don't care about family and assumes that I will be happily doing whatever I want while they are gone. It is hard being back home.
God placed me here for a reason. I am thankful that I have life in Jesus, that I'm alive in the first place. I guess I cannot learn to appreciate things unless I go through struggles. My struggle is to love my family even as they continue to make assumptions about me. I do not know how to "make" them see past their misconceptions. It is something they must learn themselves. I pray that God can move them in that direction.
Happy birthday to Jesus. And thank you for everything you put into my life. For all the people, family and friends, who love me. I'm thankful for the Santa Barbara friends who cared enough to hang out on my birthday as well. You know who you are. And if you are wondering if I got anything from my family for my birthday: not exactly. I'm thankful they are paying for college though, and my mom tells me that her and my dad's gift to me for both my birthday and Christmas is supporting me in college. Ergo, nothing tangible and superficial, just the experiences I have in college. So the gift isn't specific for the holiday season or my birthday. It's their gift as parents who want me to have better opportunities in the future, no matter how disappointed my mom is at my lack of direction. And writing this helps me feel somewhat less jealous that my brother got an Xbox 360 with MW3 for Christmas. :P
Until next time,
Kenneth
A lot of problems I notice within my family tends to come from my mom's love for gossiping and for thinking she knows everything. At least, that's how I feel sometimes. It is hard when she feels like her reputation is based on how family life is. I can't really blame her for that because that's what Asian culture is supposed to be like. Still, I feel hurt when she judges me or gossips what she thinks is true about me but isn't. It just brings more trouble for me, and my relatives start to judge me.
By writing this, I guess I am also gossiping in a way...so I'm only going to talk about how it affects me. Ergo I won't be talking about what she says about others because I do not know the full story on others' parts.
My mom claims to know me very well just because she's my mom. There's so much she refuses to being wrong about. For example, she claims I only call her when it's about money. That is not true. I call about other stuff...like asking about plans during break so I can plan them out. She then makes me feel guilty by saying I only call when I need money even when that is not the purpose of me calling. She also claims that I don't eat vegetables. Her "proof" is that when I'm at home, I have dry lips and I grow acne. She then says that's also why I'm not in good physical shape. Truth: I do eat vegetables, and I have been eating a lot more in college since it does not go bad as quickly as meat. Ergo, I don't think the lack of vegetables would be cause for dry lips. She then complains about all my imperfections and talks about how I'll never get married because of my lifestyle. Every time she talks like this, I'm hurt.
There is also this stigma that since I'm the Christian in the family, I have to be "perfect". That supposedly means I refuse to drink alcohol ever, that I can't watch films for older audiences, that I supposedly would faint if I ever met a gay person etc. The last two seem to be more prominent when I'm around my relatives from Taiwan. They ask if I can't add alcohol to the soup they were cooking for lunch today, and they assumed I do not want to watch the Hangover Part II because I'm a Christian. I'm fine with using alcohol as an ingredient in food, and I'm sure I will drink wine when I know I won't have to drive and there is occasion to drink. And being a Christian has nothing to do with whether I want to watch the Hangover Part II or not...I don't because that's just not my type of humor and I know plenty of Christians who would love to watch that kind of movie. As for meeting gay people...I go to UCSB, a pretty liberal school with plenty of LGBT people. I've met some and I'm friends with some (although I'm not that close to them). I'm fine when I'm around them and I do not fear them. I love them as people, and I'm fine with hanging out with them and talking to them. I don't see why there's this stigma about me when they apparently do not know me as well as they should.
Continuing to love on family is hard. The only way I know to love on them is to be respectful to them, to be available when they need me. At the same time, it fuels their assumption that I'm a "good boy", and they will ask me ignorant questions or continue to make assumptions about me. My relatives only hear about me through my mom, so usually what they think of me aligns with what my mom thinks she knows about me. I can only continue to love them and attempt not to get outwardly frustrated.
Still...it is Christmas today. I dropped my parents and younger brother at the airport today because they are going to Arizona for a tennis tournament. Meanwhile I am staying home with relatives from Taiwan to take care of cousins. I missed church to take family to the airport, but that's just how I'm attempting to show I care about family. My mom still thinks I don't care about family and assumes that I will be happily doing whatever I want while they are gone. It is hard being back home.
God placed me here for a reason. I am thankful that I have life in Jesus, that I'm alive in the first place. I guess I cannot learn to appreciate things unless I go through struggles. My struggle is to love my family even as they continue to make assumptions about me. I do not know how to "make" them see past their misconceptions. It is something they must learn themselves. I pray that God can move them in that direction.
Happy birthday to Jesus. And thank you for everything you put into my life. For all the people, family and friends, who love me. I'm thankful for the Santa Barbara friends who cared enough to hang out on my birthday as well. You know who you are. And if you are wondering if I got anything from my family for my birthday: not exactly. I'm thankful they are paying for college though, and my mom tells me that her and my dad's gift to me for both my birthday and Christmas is supporting me in college. Ergo, nothing tangible and superficial, just the experiences I have in college. So the gift isn't specific for the holiday season or my birthday. It's their gift as parents who want me to have better opportunities in the future, no matter how disappointed my mom is at my lack of direction. And writing this helps me feel somewhat less jealous that my brother got an Xbox 360 with MW3 for Christmas. :P
Until next time,
Kenneth
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thanksgiving 2011*
*Title is like that because it will be hard to come up with unique titles every Thanksgiving.
With that said, I pretty much forgot to post on the actual day because I also had a 10 page paper in mind, summaries for all my readings, and possibly write a support letter for next Epic Conference...and I should stop going on a tangent at the very beginning of the post.
I'm a very selfish person. It's not that I don't care about others, which I really do care for others, but the context is more like I have high expectations and many desires. For example, I want every Thanksgiving to be spent with family and relatives. Of course, that only happens once every two years because my little brother has tennis tournaments in LA every other year. Ergo, I missed my family's Thanksgiving dinner this year because they decided to have it before going down to LA, and I was in Santa Barbara when they had the dinner. How do I react? By complaining or telling people I'm probably going to Denny's for Thanksgiving dinner. That's definitely not the right way for me to react to the situation, and I probably end up sounding like I want attention or desire sympathy. The funny thing is, I've had this mindset about Thanksgiving since high school, and it is the opposite of what Thanksgiving is actually about. What's also funny is I didn't think about it in this context until this year, my third year in college.
Instead of trying to expect a "perfect" Thanksgiving of having dinner with family and relatives, I need to have the mindset that this day is a reminder that we need to give thanks to God for all that we have. I'm lucky to even get dinner at Coco's on Thanksgiving Day with two of my cousins. I've had more of a "traditional" Thanksgiving dinner last Saturday, with some of my IVC family. I'm blessed to know all these wonderful people. I definitely should have been more grateful about Robbie inviting me in the first place.
I definitely need to give up my high expectations and be happy with all that I already have. Instead of telling people I don't get presents from my family on my birthday or Christmas, I need to appreciate that I still even have a family. I'm thankful that I can spend time with family no matter how much I feel hurt by them sometimes. I'm thankful for my family in Christ and how supportive they have been to me. This does not just include IVC or Cru or AGO/ADX, but people in other groups as well who I might not be as involved with. This year I haven't been as involved with my Epic Ohana because of schedule conflicts, but that doesn't mean I don't love them anymore. I'm also thankful for my friends who are in AACF, knowing at least four people from my hall first year that are involved. Everyone has been inviting and open, and I wish I can do the same. I wish I can be more open when I actually talk to people.
Sometimes I wish I could give more than to just receive. I just don't know what I can give...I don't know what I can do for people.
And yet I have to remind myself that there is freedom in Jesus. I shouldn't be hard on myself all the time. I am most thankful for God, for all that he has done. He is the reason I have things to be thankful about.
I'm also thankful for the invisible readers out there. When I say invisible, it is because I don't know who actually reads this.
I'm blessed to have so much in my life. I really need to stop complaining about my "problems" that aren't really big.
Thanks for reading all of this.
Until next time,
Kenneth
With that said, I pretty much forgot to post on the actual day because I also had a 10 page paper in mind, summaries for all my readings, and possibly write a support letter for next Epic Conference...and I should stop going on a tangent at the very beginning of the post.
I'm a very selfish person. It's not that I don't care about others, which I really do care for others, but the context is more like I have high expectations and many desires. For example, I want every Thanksgiving to be spent with family and relatives. Of course, that only happens once every two years because my little brother has tennis tournaments in LA every other year. Ergo, I missed my family's Thanksgiving dinner this year because they decided to have it before going down to LA, and I was in Santa Barbara when they had the dinner. How do I react? By complaining or telling people I'm probably going to Denny's for Thanksgiving dinner. That's definitely not the right way for me to react to the situation, and I probably end up sounding like I want attention or desire sympathy. The funny thing is, I've had this mindset about Thanksgiving since high school, and it is the opposite of what Thanksgiving is actually about. What's also funny is I didn't think about it in this context until this year, my third year in college.
Instead of trying to expect a "perfect" Thanksgiving of having dinner with family and relatives, I need to have the mindset that this day is a reminder that we need to give thanks to God for all that we have. I'm lucky to even get dinner at Coco's on Thanksgiving Day with two of my cousins. I've had more of a "traditional" Thanksgiving dinner last Saturday, with some of my IVC family. I'm blessed to know all these wonderful people. I definitely should have been more grateful about Robbie inviting me in the first place.
I definitely need to give up my high expectations and be happy with all that I already have. Instead of telling people I don't get presents from my family on my birthday or Christmas, I need to appreciate that I still even have a family. I'm thankful that I can spend time with family no matter how much I feel hurt by them sometimes. I'm thankful for my family in Christ and how supportive they have been to me. This does not just include IVC or Cru or AGO/ADX, but people in other groups as well who I might not be as involved with. This year I haven't been as involved with my Epic Ohana because of schedule conflicts, but that doesn't mean I don't love them anymore. I'm also thankful for my friends who are in AACF, knowing at least four people from my hall first year that are involved. Everyone has been inviting and open, and I wish I can do the same. I wish I can be more open when I actually talk to people.
Sometimes I wish I could give more than to just receive. I just don't know what I can give...I don't know what I can do for people.
And yet I have to remind myself that there is freedom in Jesus. I shouldn't be hard on myself all the time. I am most thankful for God, for all that he has done. He is the reason I have things to be thankful about.
I'm also thankful for the invisible readers out there. When I say invisible, it is because I don't know who actually reads this.
I'm blessed to have so much in my life. I really need to stop complaining about my "problems" that aren't really big.
Thanks for reading all of this.
Until next time,
Kenneth
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Home...
Home...
What do you think about when you think of home? Where are you referring to when you say "I'm going home"?
I'm sitting here listening to Christmas music, and it's only the beginning of November. Listening to Christmas music reminds me of being back in the Bay, back in high school when I would listen to Christmas music on the radio while I drive. I remember all the things I look forward to during Christmas. Christmas chapel in my high school was fun, especially when it comes to the Christmas music during worship. I loved the skits that are performed in Christmas chapel. I loved having Christmas parties in my classes, club meetings, church/youth group, etc. The festive mood usually made me happy. And as of my senior year of high school, I also looked forward to seeing Matt Phipp's light show; of hanging out with friends when I am back from college. Seeing familiar faces is refreshing. Seeing how people I haven't seen in a while is great since I get to catch up with them. There's a lot of nostalgia. Yet, for the last two years, I only get to be home for three weeks. It will be four this year because of New Years being on Monday.
It's funny how listening to Christmas music can induce this feeling. Yet while I'm here in Santa Barbara, I'm mostly focused on what goes on here. When I go on facebook, I usually focus on what's going on in Santa Barbara instead of with the people I know from back home. I notice I am mostly focused on what is around me. I even call the Plex home. I look forward to watching Christmas movies and all the other Christmas festivities that happen here before I go back to Dublin.
Does this mean I have two homes? Quite possibly. I sometimes feel I do not spend enough time back home, yet when I am back home I wish I could be back in Santa Barbara. Actually, now that I think about it, I will only be in Santa Barbara for a year and two thirds left...unless I get a job around the area. It is pretty crazy to think about that. Once I graduate, everyone is going to be spread out. Even many of the people I knew back home would be spread out after I graduate. The younger friends will be in college, and the older people will live their own lives. At least I will still have my family back home. Meanwhile, I have no idea where God is leading me after college. Will I be going to graduate school or getting a job? Will He lead me somewhere completely different? No matter where I end up, I will consider that "home". If I end up somewhere that is not the Bay Area or Santa Barbara, I will have a third "home".
Wherever I end up, it will become home. Wherever I move, there will be many changes: different people, different locations, different schedules or ways I will be occupying my time. What will stay the same? Jesus.
Deuteronomy 31:6 - "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Even if I end up going to a different church with new faces, Jesus is the same. I may continue to reminisce the past or focus on what is around me, but I do not have to worry about God leaving me. Wherever I end up and call "home", I need to trust that He is consistent and that he knows what is best. After all, life isn't about me. It's about Him, and He is omniscient.
As I end this post, I hope that the ending does not sound too forced or anything like that.
Until next time,
Kenneth
What do you think about when you think of home? Where are you referring to when you say "I'm going home"?
I'm sitting here listening to Christmas music, and it's only the beginning of November. Listening to Christmas music reminds me of being back in the Bay, back in high school when I would listen to Christmas music on the radio while I drive. I remember all the things I look forward to during Christmas. Christmas chapel in my high school was fun, especially when it comes to the Christmas music during worship. I loved the skits that are performed in Christmas chapel. I loved having Christmas parties in my classes, club meetings, church/youth group, etc. The festive mood usually made me happy. And as of my senior year of high school, I also looked forward to seeing Matt Phipp's light show; of hanging out with friends when I am back from college. Seeing familiar faces is refreshing. Seeing how people I haven't seen in a while is great since I get to catch up with them. There's a lot of nostalgia. Yet, for the last two years, I only get to be home for three weeks. It will be four this year because of New Years being on Monday.
It's funny how listening to Christmas music can induce this feeling. Yet while I'm here in Santa Barbara, I'm mostly focused on what goes on here. When I go on facebook, I usually focus on what's going on in Santa Barbara instead of with the people I know from back home. I notice I am mostly focused on what is around me. I even call the Plex home. I look forward to watching Christmas movies and all the other Christmas festivities that happen here before I go back to Dublin.
Does this mean I have two homes? Quite possibly. I sometimes feel I do not spend enough time back home, yet when I am back home I wish I could be back in Santa Barbara. Actually, now that I think about it, I will only be in Santa Barbara for a year and two thirds left...unless I get a job around the area. It is pretty crazy to think about that. Once I graduate, everyone is going to be spread out. Even many of the people I knew back home would be spread out after I graduate. The younger friends will be in college, and the older people will live their own lives. At least I will still have my family back home. Meanwhile, I have no idea where God is leading me after college. Will I be going to graduate school or getting a job? Will He lead me somewhere completely different? No matter where I end up, I will consider that "home". If I end up somewhere that is not the Bay Area or Santa Barbara, I will have a third "home".
Wherever I end up, it will become home. Wherever I move, there will be many changes: different people, different locations, different schedules or ways I will be occupying my time. What will stay the same? Jesus.
Deuteronomy 31:6 - "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Even if I end up going to a different church with new faces, Jesus is the same. I may continue to reminisce the past or focus on what is around me, but I do not have to worry about God leaving me. Wherever I end up and call "home", I need to trust that He is consistent and that he knows what is best. After all, life isn't about me. It's about Him, and He is omniscient.
As I end this post, I hope that the ending does not sound too forced or anything like that.
Until next time,
Kenneth
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Time is what I need...
Time...I wish I had more of it...
I sometimes wish I had the power to split myself so there are copies of me that can each do different things at once...
That would definitely save a lot of time.
It seems like my time is spread thin. When I have "free time", I end up spending it all on trying to finish my reading for my classes. My time is basically spent on classes, reading, being involved with different ministries, and maybe some sleep time which sometimes doesn't cover the eight hours I need.
Have you heard of the idea that in college you can only have two of three things: either school, social life, or sleep? I don't know how I'm balancing all that. Sometimes I wish I could just use free time to have some quiet time, read the word of God, spend time in prayer, etc. I guess I could just skip some of my social life for it...
Still, even with a pretty good social life, I definitely haven't had time to spend one-on-one time with friends. I sometimes wish I could even do that and talk about certain things. It's hard to schedule something like that when I have a pretty full schedule. I would have to find something to skip.
Last week Chloe asked me how I'm able to finish all my work and still show up to everything. To be honest, I don't know how I manage to do that. Showing up to "everything" is definitely an overstatement. I've had to miss out on plans because other plans take place at the same time, I have reading to do, or I am just plain tired.
I guess one reason I am intrigued with Naruto besides the plot is the fact that he can make Shadow Clones. The clones can each act on their own, and when he recalls them he gains all their memories. This allows him to learn at a much faster rate and allows him to multitask. I would sometimes imagine being able to do that. If I could do that, I would probably have four different clones reading for each of my classes while I do whatever else I need to do.
It is probably time to figure out how to take a Sabbath. I need the rest. I don't know how to rest without being lazy, but I will figure it out...This mindless wandering is really an excuse to post something new and rant. It also allows people to see how I think sometimes.
Until next time,
Kenneth
I sometimes wish I had the power to split myself so there are copies of me that can each do different things at once...
That would definitely save a lot of time.
It seems like my time is spread thin. When I have "free time", I end up spending it all on trying to finish my reading for my classes. My time is basically spent on classes, reading, being involved with different ministries, and maybe some sleep time which sometimes doesn't cover the eight hours I need.
Have you heard of the idea that in college you can only have two of three things: either school, social life, or sleep? I don't know how I'm balancing all that. Sometimes I wish I could just use free time to have some quiet time, read the word of God, spend time in prayer, etc. I guess I could just skip some of my social life for it...
Still, even with a pretty good social life, I definitely haven't had time to spend one-on-one time with friends. I sometimes wish I could even do that and talk about certain things. It's hard to schedule something like that when I have a pretty full schedule. I would have to find something to skip.
Last week Chloe asked me how I'm able to finish all my work and still show up to everything. To be honest, I don't know how I manage to do that. Showing up to "everything" is definitely an overstatement. I've had to miss out on plans because other plans take place at the same time, I have reading to do, or I am just plain tired.
I guess one reason I am intrigued with Naruto besides the plot is the fact that he can make Shadow Clones. The clones can each act on their own, and when he recalls them he gains all their memories. This allows him to learn at a much faster rate and allows him to multitask. I would sometimes imagine being able to do that. If I could do that, I would probably have four different clones reading for each of my classes while I do whatever else I need to do.
It is probably time to figure out how to take a Sabbath. I need the rest. I don't know how to rest without being lazy, but I will figure it out...This mindless wandering is really an excuse to post something new and rant. It also allows people to see how I think sometimes.
Until next time,
Kenneth
Monday, September 12, 2011
Recurring Themes in Dreams...
Hello reader,
It has been a while since my last post. To be honest, I haven't really had inspiration or ideas to write about until now. Maybe it's because my relationship with God hasn't been growing too much on my part. Maybe I haven't been relying on Him as much as I should be. That does not mean I have not been doing anything at all. There are still times where I just want to have some alone time with Him. I have been going through things where I know I should be trusting in Him more instead of relying on myself or just not remembering that He provides or that He cares. I have to constantly remind myself of His love and goodness. With that said, it has just been hard for me to write about anything because I'm not really sure what He has been teaching me. I guess I just have not been listening hard enough...
Anyways, moving on to the topic of the title...I've noticed that the dreams I usually remember are the ones where I run around malls/shopping centers/department stores looking for something or trying to run from something.
Just last night I had a dream about going to a Real Life meeting at night. What made the meeting different in my dream is that we were meeting at a department store for some reason. Another interesting thing to note is that there were a few people from my youth group who were there for some reason. Anyways, in my dream I decided to put my backpack and longboard inside by the glass entrance/exit after asking the people working there if it was alright. Later in my dream, Real Life ends and everyone starts to mingle like usual. I remember seeing Michelle in my dream, stating I have not seen her in a while, then giving a side hug before she moves on and talks to other people.
Later, as everyone starts leaving, I decided that I needed to leave as well. I decided to go pick up my belongings, but when I went inside, I could not find them. I asked the people working on the first floor if they have seen them, but they have not. I started running around looking for my backpack, longboard, and anything else I might have put down. While searching for my belongings, I eventually found my stuff along with other people's things lying by a glass door to a balcony on the third floor. I also noticed my previous backpack I've had since 3rd grade to senior year of high school lying there, and I wondered why it was there. I remember giving it away to one of my youth group friends. I decided to put it on and take the rest of my stuff.
As I made my way through the department store, I saw either one of my good friends practicing lines for a production of sorts. I do not remember if it was Jordan from Real Life or Anton from high school/youth group. It would make more sense if it was Anton due to him being in Hollywood now studying to become an actor, but then my dream was about Real Life...with some youth group people. In any case, both of them are people I look up to during a certain stage of my life, and both are a year above me. They remind me of each other in some ways, but I do not know if Jordan is an actor. They both play guitar though...
So after trying to have a conversation with him, he kept on trying to practice his lines. I decided that he might be too busy to talk, and I continued down the stairs. I made my way out of the building and walked towards the street where I parked my car on the side. Then I woke up.
I feel like there is a meaning behind this dream. I am not sure what it is yet, but I should definitely pray about it. It would be nice to hear some thoughts about this too. I just find it strange that the most significant dreams I remember always have something to do with malls or department stores of sorts.
Well it is super late and I should be sleeping.
Until next time,
Kenneth
It has been a while since my last post. To be honest, I haven't really had inspiration or ideas to write about until now. Maybe it's because my relationship with God hasn't been growing too much on my part. Maybe I haven't been relying on Him as much as I should be. That does not mean I have not been doing anything at all. There are still times where I just want to have some alone time with Him. I have been going through things where I know I should be trusting in Him more instead of relying on myself or just not remembering that He provides or that He cares. I have to constantly remind myself of His love and goodness. With that said, it has just been hard for me to write about anything because I'm not really sure what He has been teaching me. I guess I just have not been listening hard enough...
Anyways, moving on to the topic of the title...I've noticed that the dreams I usually remember are the ones where I run around malls/shopping centers/department stores looking for something or trying to run from something.
Just last night I had a dream about going to a Real Life meeting at night. What made the meeting different in my dream is that we were meeting at a department store for some reason. Another interesting thing to note is that there were a few people from my youth group who were there for some reason. Anyways, in my dream I decided to put my backpack and longboard inside by the glass entrance/exit after asking the people working there if it was alright. Later in my dream, Real Life ends and everyone starts to mingle like usual. I remember seeing Michelle in my dream, stating I have not seen her in a while, then giving a side hug before she moves on and talks to other people.
Later, as everyone starts leaving, I decided that I needed to leave as well. I decided to go pick up my belongings, but when I went inside, I could not find them. I asked the people working on the first floor if they have seen them, but they have not. I started running around looking for my backpack, longboard, and anything else I might have put down. While searching for my belongings, I eventually found my stuff along with other people's things lying by a glass door to a balcony on the third floor. I also noticed my previous backpack I've had since 3rd grade to senior year of high school lying there, and I wondered why it was there. I remember giving it away to one of my youth group friends. I decided to put it on and take the rest of my stuff.
As I made my way through the department store, I saw either one of my good friends practicing lines for a production of sorts. I do not remember if it was Jordan from Real Life or Anton from high school/youth group. It would make more sense if it was Anton due to him being in Hollywood now studying to become an actor, but then my dream was about Real Life...with some youth group people. In any case, both of them are people I look up to during a certain stage of my life, and both are a year above me. They remind me of each other in some ways, but I do not know if Jordan is an actor. They both play guitar though...
So after trying to have a conversation with him, he kept on trying to practice his lines. I decided that he might be too busy to talk, and I continued down the stairs. I made my way out of the building and walked towards the street where I parked my car on the side. Then I woke up.
I feel like there is a meaning behind this dream. I am not sure what it is yet, but I should definitely pray about it. It would be nice to hear some thoughts about this too. I just find it strange that the most significant dreams I remember always have something to do with malls or department stores of sorts.
Well it is super late and I should be sleeping.
Until next time,
Kenneth
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