I'm an average person. Well...an average young adult in relation to ones who studied film in college. I've had an average life, growing up and going to school. I am an average Asian who had good grades in high school and did well enough in college. There's nothing really special about me. I'm not skilled in a particular area that would make me stand out. I just do well enough in a lot of stuff. Maybe that's why I'm unable to get a job so far. I'm an average idealist with dreams and desires, but I'm also average enough to see some reality around me. I dream of getting a good job that I would enjoy, eventually get married, and start my own family while being able to support it. Even while writing this, I imagine this could be the starting narration of a short film. But who would watch a film about an average person?
I'm an average fanboy. What makes a person a fanboy? According to Urban Dictionary, a fanboy is "a passionate fan of various elements of geek culture." What am I a fan of? Nintendo, animation (Japanese and American), manga, etc. It's to the point where I think it would be cool if I could be a voice actor for animation or that it would be cool to teach English in Japan for a year. The latter is more realistic. I even started attempting to teach myself some Japanese. Maybe I'm not so average...maybe I'm just average in relation to a niche type of group.
Recently I got into an anime called The World God Only Knows. The show is not about God, but rather it is about a dating game nerd with the nickname "The God of Conquest". It is about the main character having to capture loose spirits from the hearts of girls. It's more of a comedy. Why am I mentioning this? Well, there is a character in the series named Chihiro. She starts out as a regular background character but eventually grows in importance. Her problem is she's just average. All the other characters conquered have something that makes them stand out, but she is designed to be the "normal person" of the series. That's why Keima, the main character, never really understood her or how to deal with her. She is important in the second half of the last arc recently shown in the anime. However, throughout the whole ordeal, she feels she did not stand out in any way. Chihiro is just an average person who accidentally gets herself involved in something much bigger, and she is only trying to help out in any way she can.
In a way, I saw myself relating to her because I've felt like I'm just an average person who does not have any skills that particularly stood out. Sure, I may have a personality that stands out. That's why people have told me I'm weird or unique in a good way. I just don't know how I could use that personality in a search for a job or to do something big. As far as I know, I don't have any outstanding practical skills I could be using. Like Chihiro, who never joined a club, got slightly above average grades, who felt like she was in the shadows of others who stand out and are set apart, I sometimes feel average in the same way.
However, while Chihiro did seem like just an average girl, the role she played in the series ends up being much bigger than she thought she'd ever be. She starts a band hoping to stand out. Her actions become obstacles at first, but she eventually finds out what is going on and helps out. Because of the ways she helps Keima out, he ends up completing a task to avoid the world ending. Since she gets involved, she eventually stands out and has a much bigger impact than she realizes. Yet, she still feels left out in the end.
Why go into all that detail? I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like an average person like Chihiro. I have not done anything really important, nor do I think I really stand out besides through my unique personality and interests. I don't have skills that stand out, or at least I think I don't. All I am is a background character...
But maybe I have a bigger role than I realize. Maybe I'm like Chihiro in that I think of myself as just an average person of no importance, but in reality my role and actions have an impact on a much bigger story. The story I'm referring to is not about me. I guess with the time I have here on Earth, what I could be doing is to share the love of God. In what way can I be doing that? I guess it's still something I'm trying to figure out. Maybe relating myself to an anime would be a strange way of speaking what has been on my mind. Maybe I'm not so average. Oh well...
Until next time,
Kenneth
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Musings during a meteor shower
The Perseid meteor shower. I try to see it each year. Sometimes it doesn't work out due to weather conditions. This year, the weather was fine. However, I need more sleep before work. What will I decide? I guess I could spend a little time seeing it, and I will go back home to sleep on time.
A meteor shower is something I want to see with friends. It would be more fun that way. I wonder, "What would it look like if what I was going through was an anime? What would it look like?" Those are weird questions to be asking in general. Maybe I have been spending too much time watching anime recently.
Walked to the Plex. Seems like anyone who would have been interested in going already left. I decided to walk to the trail by Manzanita cliffs. There's probably less light pollution over the ocean. As I walk there, I was reminded of when I went by some cliffs on DP to see a meteor shower my freshmen year of college. I went with a few hall mates. This time, I was going by myself. Since there are no lights along the path, I walked right into the darkness. The path was one I was familiar with. I kept on walking to get farther from the lights of IV.
As I made my way to the benches, I realized there was already people sitting there. I walked back a bit to not interrupt them. Then I looked up above the ocean. There were plenty of stars visible to my eyes. While it was not as many as in country areas, the night sky was clear enough.
During the time I looked in the sky, there was a certain song playing in my head. It was a song from an anime I had watched recently. Anime seems to have good quality songs. While it was playing, I thought about how awesome it would have been to be watching out for shooting stars with friends. However, many of the people I would have wanted to experience this with were not around. Some had left the area for good already, and others were traveling and creating their own experiences. I'd like to travel. There are many places I would like to experience. However, I don't even know where I will be in a month.
Seeing shooting stars always seems to remind me of God's goodness and greatness. After seeing a few, I can't help but think about how He created them for us to enjoy. He gave us promises He won't go back on. Shooting stars also remind me to be thankful. Even with all the city lights trying to drown out the stars, I spotted quite a few within half an hour. It was after the random musing that it occurred to me...I could be using that time to talk to God. It was then that I had some quiet time to reflect. "Arigato, Kami-sama." (Translation: "Thank you, God.") (Maybe I have been watching too much anime...) That's how I ended when I decided to walk home. I am reminded to always be thankful.
A meteor shower is something I want to see with friends. It would be more fun that way. I wonder, "What would it look like if what I was going through was an anime? What would it look like?" Those are weird questions to be asking in general. Maybe I have been spending too much time watching anime recently.
Walked to the Plex. Seems like anyone who would have been interested in going already left. I decided to walk to the trail by Manzanita cliffs. There's probably less light pollution over the ocean. As I walk there, I was reminded of when I went by some cliffs on DP to see a meteor shower my freshmen year of college. I went with a few hall mates. This time, I was going by myself. Since there are no lights along the path, I walked right into the darkness. The path was one I was familiar with. I kept on walking to get farther from the lights of IV.
As I made my way to the benches, I realized there was already people sitting there. I walked back a bit to not interrupt them. Then I looked up above the ocean. There were plenty of stars visible to my eyes. While it was not as many as in country areas, the night sky was clear enough.
During the time I looked in the sky, there was a certain song playing in my head. It was a song from an anime I had watched recently. Anime seems to have good quality songs. While it was playing, I thought about how awesome it would have been to be watching out for shooting stars with friends. However, many of the people I would have wanted to experience this with were not around. Some had left the area for good already, and others were traveling and creating their own experiences. I'd like to travel. There are many places I would like to experience. However, I don't even know where I will be in a month.
Seeing shooting stars always seems to remind me of God's goodness and greatness. After seeing a few, I can't help but think about how He created them for us to enjoy. He gave us promises He won't go back on. Shooting stars also remind me to be thankful. Even with all the city lights trying to drown out the stars, I spotted quite a few within half an hour. It was after the random musing that it occurred to me...I could be using that time to talk to God. It was then that I had some quiet time to reflect. "Arigato, Kami-sama." (Translation: "Thank you, God.") (Maybe I have been watching too much anime...) That's how I ended when I decided to walk home. I am reminded to always be thankful.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Some Late Night Rambling...
I am on blogger at this moment...because I have no idea how to make reading plans in the Bible when it comes to my quiet times. I thought, "Okay, I'm going to have quiet time. Where do I start?" First thing is open up Bible gateway. After staring at it for a bit, I realized I have no idea what I was going to read. I could start with Leviticus 19:18 which was the verse of the day, but I did not know how it could apply with what I was going through today. I decided to read a chapter of Jesus Burgers. As encouraging as it was, it did not lead me to any specific passage. Finally, I decided to see if my friends had any good passages shared on blogger. That's how I ended up here. I read Cody's post about Psalm 86 right before typing this, but it is just at this moment where I realized I should read it first...
Still, even as I read it, my whole heart wasn't put into it. I found myself distracted. I'm wondering where God will take me this summer and after. I'm thinking about my desire to possibly go to Tokyo Summer Project. Where is this desire coming from? And why do I have a country song stuck in my head right now? Okay, that last thought is pointless, but I'm trying to process my thoughts here.
The thing about wanting to go on Summer Project to Japan next year brings up many questions in my head. For example, if I got a job beforehand, how will I take time off that job to do something like that? What are my intentions? Is it because I've recently noticed a lot of people have been going there for missions? Do I want to go just because I want to go to Japan and not necessarily because of a mission mind set? Last time I attempted to go on a project, God closed that door within a couple weeks. How do I know that this desire to go on project in Japan is from God or not? I know there is a need there, and a lot of people there need the hope found in Jesus. This post could have even just gone into my journal, yet I feel like I should share it online.
I feel like I need some guidance right now...
Still, even as I read it, my whole heart wasn't put into it. I found myself distracted. I'm wondering where God will take me this summer and after. I'm thinking about my desire to possibly go to Tokyo Summer Project. Where is this desire coming from? And why do I have a country song stuck in my head right now? Okay, that last thought is pointless, but I'm trying to process my thoughts here.
The thing about wanting to go on Summer Project to Japan next year brings up many questions in my head. For example, if I got a job beforehand, how will I take time off that job to do something like that? What are my intentions? Is it because I've recently noticed a lot of people have been going there for missions? Do I want to go just because I want to go to Japan and not necessarily because of a mission mind set? Last time I attempted to go on a project, God closed that door within a couple weeks. How do I know that this desire to go on project in Japan is from God or not? I know there is a need there, and a lot of people there need the hope found in Jesus. This post could have even just gone into my journal, yet I feel like I should share it online.
I feel like I need some guidance right now...
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Post-Graduation Thoughts
I walked at graduation 6 days ago. The last quarter of relaxing, doing my internship, and being involved with Cru, Epic, and AGO had been good. Spending time with people has also been good. These last few weeks have been an amazing time of hanging out with people who are all going different ways while some are staying in Santa Barbara afterwards. What now? I guess I need to start job searching.
It is surreal not living at the Plex anymore after two years of being there. Yeah, I'm right across the street from it for now, but I will only be at the AGO house for two months. Where am I going after? It depends on if I can get a job or not. I'm definitely going to miss being in that community where I can see so many people in a day. Some people have jobs, some will be interning or stinting for Cru next year, some will be going to grad school...I feel like a lot of people already know what they are doing. I don't yet. I'm trusting God, but I am curious as to where I will end up.
There are definitely people I've taken for granted, and there are those I have been thankful for and am even more thankful for now. God had me here for a reason, and I trust that the work he has done here will continue afterwards. Maybe I will cross paths with the people He has placed in my life in the future. It's hard to remember that we are not college students anymore.
Well, that is all I have for now. Not that motivated to write a lot, so this will be short. Oh yeah, and senior class won BOTA. I am thankful for that.
It is surreal not living at the Plex anymore after two years of being there. Yeah, I'm right across the street from it for now, but I will only be at the AGO house for two months. Where am I going after? It depends on if I can get a job or not. I'm definitely going to miss being in that community where I can see so many people in a day. Some people have jobs, some will be interning or stinting for Cru next year, some will be going to grad school...I feel like a lot of people already know what they are doing. I don't yet. I'm trusting God, but I am curious as to where I will end up.
There are definitely people I've taken for granted, and there are those I have been thankful for and am even more thankful for now. God had me here for a reason, and I trust that the work he has done here will continue afterwards. Maybe I will cross paths with the people He has placed in my life in the future. It's hard to remember that we are not college students anymore.
Well, that is all I have for now. Not that motivated to write a lot, so this will be short. Oh yeah, and senior class won BOTA. I am thankful for that.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Graduated Early!
I graduated early! I finished Winter Quarter of 2013. I just started an internship with TVSB. What now? Well, I will be doing the internship for six months which means I will be in Santa Barbara until at least September. After that, I don't know what I'm doing. If I get offered a job there, I might stay longer. If not, I go depending on where I can find a job. If I can't find any, then I'm going back to NorCal. I'm basically trusting that God will provide wherever I am at.
I have noticed that wherever I am at in life, He has provided me with a lot. In high school, he provided me a community within my youth group and my church. In college, he provided me with Real Life, with Epic, with all of Cru, with brothers in AGO and sisters in ADX, with family in IVC, and even family within other churches in the Santa Barbara area. I know that I will have community wherever I go, and the community of believers I end up living life with will point me towards Christ and His love. I have been blessed by God through the community he provided, and it has been super encouraging growing wherever I am at.
The best moments are those where I get into good conversations with people about how God is working in our lives. While it is kind of sad to see some people leaving, I know God will work in them wherever He takes them. I'm sure God has more for me in Santa Barbara while I do my internship, and I pray that He will guide me in all my interactions here. I pray that I can glorify Him in everything I do. I know people who plan on Stinting next year, people who are getting jobs elsewhere, people who will be interning with Cru and Epic, and I pray that they will continue growing in their love for God. I pray that I can trust Him as much as I say I do.
For now, I should enjoy being in Santa Barbara until September. I should enjoy the three months I have left with many people I've known since freshmen year at UCSB. I should feel blessed that I have been assigned as one of the senior captains for BOTA, and hopefully I will glorify God with the decisions I make and be a good sportsman. As far as I know, this is the first time I'm leading/co-leading anything, and I'm stoked for it.
One thing I am thinking of right now: I say "I don't know" a lot. Is it because I'm actually unsure, or is it because I want to please people? If it is the latter, why is it that I feel the desire to please people? Why do I fear people's reactions? What does not knowing what I should eat have anything to do with pleasing people? So many questions...and I should be going to bed.
Until next time,
Kenneth
I have noticed that wherever I am at in life, He has provided me with a lot. In high school, he provided me a community within my youth group and my church. In college, he provided me with Real Life, with Epic, with all of Cru, with brothers in AGO and sisters in ADX, with family in IVC, and even family within other churches in the Santa Barbara area. I know that I will have community wherever I go, and the community of believers I end up living life with will point me towards Christ and His love. I have been blessed by God through the community he provided, and it has been super encouraging growing wherever I am at.
The best moments are those where I get into good conversations with people about how God is working in our lives. While it is kind of sad to see some people leaving, I know God will work in them wherever He takes them. I'm sure God has more for me in Santa Barbara while I do my internship, and I pray that He will guide me in all my interactions here. I pray that I can glorify Him in everything I do. I know people who plan on Stinting next year, people who are getting jobs elsewhere, people who will be interning with Cru and Epic, and I pray that they will continue growing in their love for God. I pray that I can trust Him as much as I say I do.
For now, I should enjoy being in Santa Barbara until September. I should enjoy the three months I have left with many people I've known since freshmen year at UCSB. I should feel blessed that I have been assigned as one of the senior captains for BOTA, and hopefully I will glorify God with the decisions I make and be a good sportsman. As far as I know, this is the first time I'm leading/co-leading anything, and I'm stoked for it.
One thing I am thinking of right now: I say "I don't know" a lot. Is it because I'm actually unsure, or is it because I want to please people? If it is the latter, why is it that I feel the desire to please people? Why do I fear people's reactions? What does not knowing what I should eat have anything to do with pleasing people? So many questions...and I should be going to bed.
Until next time,
Kenneth
Thursday, February 14, 2013
I'm Graduating Soon!!!
Happy Valentines Day!
It's the sixth week of Winter Quarter. I have four more weeks until finals. I'm graduating a quarter early. I am planning on going on Project Reclaim for spring break...if I had a spring break. Still need to raise support for that. Besides that, what is next?
I've started looking at jobs. I've applied for four internships, one of which is already full. I've been too lazy to write cover letters to apply to more. Why? Because...I don't have a real interest in them or I don't have some of the skills or equipment they require. I'm also just not ready to be done with the student life. Not to mention, I only decided to graduate early over Winter Break. Not much time to figure out anything right?
I want to eventually work with Warner Bros. Animation...not as an animator. I'm terrible at drawing. However, I want to be involved in that industry somehow. I've applied for a couple internships there. The problem with working there starting April is that I am living in SB until June. Commuting there and back will be a lot of hours and gas. If the internship I get there ends up being not paid, I have no way of paying all that gas money without borrowing money from parents. I would also need to figure out how to pay for food. I'm more than likely going to have to find something local.
Yeah, I'm looking for a job to honor my parents and to be able to support myself since I'm no longer going to be supported by them. I've had thoughts about interning with Cru or with Epic, but something is stopping me from really pursuing those paths. If I want to intern with them, I would want to intern at SB. Stinting would be cool too. I heard that there is a need for interns in Tokyo. I guess with those paths, I fear what my parents think. Now, it wouldn't make sense to fear that they would stop supporting me financially since they are already doing that after I graduate. I guess I struggle with the thought of my parents being angry or disappointed with me. I may also fear that I can't raise enough support, especially since I am having trouble doing that for Spring Reclaim. I also wouldn't be able to go on Reclaim if I can't find a job because my parents refuse to send my passport to me until I get a job...Finally, there is also the question, "What if I want to intern/stint for selfish reasons?" How do I know my heart is in the right place for that?
Christina Marshall talked at Epic about surrendering things to God in order to grow. If I want to intern or stint, there is going to be a lot of things I need to surrender to God. I'd have to be able to give up what my parents think of me. I have to give up fear that I won't be provided financially. I have to know why I want to intern or stint. I may even have to surrender my own plans and goals. I would also have to give up going on Reclaim for Spring because I obviously won't be able to get my passport...unless God provides a way out and I am somehow able to get it. I still need to trust God with a lot.
I have thought a lot about what I am doing after I'm done with school. I just haven't done much to pursue anything. So much to think about...Pray that I can get all these figured out.
Until next time,
Kenneth
It's the sixth week of Winter Quarter. I have four more weeks until finals. I'm graduating a quarter early. I am planning on going on Project Reclaim for spring break...if I had a spring break. Still need to raise support for that. Besides that, what is next?
I've started looking at jobs. I've applied for four internships, one of which is already full. I've been too lazy to write cover letters to apply to more. Why? Because...I don't have a real interest in them or I don't have some of the skills or equipment they require. I'm also just not ready to be done with the student life. Not to mention, I only decided to graduate early over Winter Break. Not much time to figure out anything right?
I want to eventually work with Warner Bros. Animation...not as an animator. I'm terrible at drawing. However, I want to be involved in that industry somehow. I've applied for a couple internships there. The problem with working there starting April is that I am living in SB until June. Commuting there and back will be a lot of hours and gas. If the internship I get there ends up being not paid, I have no way of paying all that gas money without borrowing money from parents. I would also need to figure out how to pay for food. I'm more than likely going to have to find something local.
Yeah, I'm looking for a job to honor my parents and to be able to support myself since I'm no longer going to be supported by them. I've had thoughts about interning with Cru or with Epic, but something is stopping me from really pursuing those paths. If I want to intern with them, I would want to intern at SB. Stinting would be cool too. I heard that there is a need for interns in Tokyo. I guess with those paths, I fear what my parents think. Now, it wouldn't make sense to fear that they would stop supporting me financially since they are already doing that after I graduate. I guess I struggle with the thought of my parents being angry or disappointed with me. I may also fear that I can't raise enough support, especially since I am having trouble doing that for Spring Reclaim. I also wouldn't be able to go on Reclaim if I can't find a job because my parents refuse to send my passport to me until I get a job...Finally, there is also the question, "What if I want to intern/stint for selfish reasons?" How do I know my heart is in the right place for that?
Christina Marshall talked at Epic about surrendering things to God in order to grow. If I want to intern or stint, there is going to be a lot of things I need to surrender to God. I'd have to be able to give up what my parents think of me. I have to give up fear that I won't be provided financially. I have to know why I want to intern or stint. I may even have to surrender my own plans and goals. I would also have to give up going on Reclaim for Spring because I obviously won't be able to get my passport...unless God provides a way out and I am somehow able to get it. I still need to trust God with a lot.
I have thought a lot about what I am doing after I'm done with school. I just haven't done much to pursue anything. So much to think about...Pray that I can get all these figured out.
Until next time,
Kenneth
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